Not Feeling Well [Namjoon Sickfic]

Not Feeling Well.

Requested by kkkkk_WriterAtHeart

TW: Suicidal Ideation, Drugs
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The members sat through the award show and did their best to hide their sadness when they hadn't won any of the awards they were nominated for. They still continued to smile and wave for fans and the camera, and their spirits were occasionally lifted when they'd hear their fans doing the fan chant in the rest of the crowd.

After the show, they were gathered backstage and gave eachother reassuring hugs.

"This doesn't mean we aren't good, these things are rigged anyway," Yoongi told everyone. Yet they all admitted that they still felt rather disappointed. It would have been nice to win. Namjoon kept it to himself but he was taking the loss the hardest. He was usually the one to offer comforting words and reassurance but this time he simply couldn't. He felt as though as the leader maybe he'd failed somewhere, somehow which cost the team the wins. He didn't mention this to anyone because he felt like it was a disappointment he needed to carry on his own shoulders.

The members did a VLive with ARMY and reassured upset fans that all was well and things were alright. They kept their sorrow to themselves and told their fans they were thankful for their support regardless of the outcome. Namjoon stayed a bit quieter than usual as he was already thinking of ways he could try and be a better leader to his team.

After a few days the initial sadness had subsided as the members were busy with promotions and various schedules. Everyone except Namjoon had gotten over the fact that they lost at the award show. He still couldn't shake the feeling it was his fault.

The members did interviews and thankfully weren't asked much about how they felt about the awards, but interviewers asked about their work and what they were up to. Some of the interviews were international ones where Namjoon had to take the lead in speaking English. He always took on the role of translator when it came to them doing any English interviews. Throughout the interview the members kept asking Namjoon what was being said and asking him to translate their answers.

One interviewer couldn't help but notice how much Namjoon was speaking for everyone and asked, "Have they really not learned much English yet?"

Namjoon chuckled, "They've all been studying but it's a work in progress." He knew all of his members were being tutored in the language, but it wasn't easy for them to learn. He had picked it up quickly at a very young age, the others didn't have that advantage.

"You have been a group for a very long time and you're quite fluent, haven't you been able to teach them some?"

Namjoon tried to hide his frown at that. "I've taught them a little."

"But they're not fluent like you," the interview pointed out.

"No, they're not," Namjoon replied. His heart was starting to feel heavy with guilt.

"Well why haven't you taught them more? It would be a burden off your shoulders. Help them put in some of the work."

Jin tapped Namjoon's shoulder, "What's he saying?"

Namjoon turned and whispered to him, "He said your English is getting really good," he lied. He didn't want his members to feel the same disappointment he was feeling so he tried turning the negative comment into a positive one. He knew the members were actually quite proud of the English they did know and didn't want to destroy their momentum of learning.

"Oh, thank you!" Jin said to the interviewer in English.

Namjoon turned back to the interviewer, "We're all quite busy, but they learn when they can." He was able to divert the conversation in a new direction that didn't have to do with the members, or his own, incapabilities. He fought against his broken heart the rest of the interview.