The Book Of Unsaid Thoughts[COMPLETED]

FANTASIES

"A greater woman wouldn't beg."

I used to love fairytales. I love how they always end happily ever after. I remembered wishing to have that kind of ending too. A prince saving her princess, I remember looking up at the ceiling imagining myself being saved.

I remember wishing for at least someone to see through me. To see how fragile and soft I really am. I want someone who could make me feel safe and fragile without being scared of judgment. I want to feel fragile in somebody's arms. For the first time I want to be a soft fragile girl and not a warrior who keeps on fighting.

If only someone could be my back up when I find myself giving up in fighting these demons and voices. Someone who could be right by my side through thick and thin. Someone who's ready to run through the flames of danger just to keep me secured.

I don't like physical contact but, why do I find myself yearning to feel safe in someone's hug? To be in someone's arms, keeping me secure and safe will always be my roman empire.

I've witnessed how my friends find their own someone. I witnessed how they fell in love with each other as the days passed. I would be lying if I told myself that I'm not jealous. Because heaven knows how much I begged and prayed to have someone who'll make those fantasies come true.

But who am I kidding? They lied. Those aren't true.  There's no such thing as happily ever after. Not everything ends happily. Those stories were just a facade to hide the real painful world.

After witnessing the painful reality that the world made me face I found myself saying that those fantasies have expired.