I feel tired...

1

• School right? Important and all that blah blah blah... This may sound dumb but I feel like at home I can't do anything to entertain myself when exam is near near.

Though I don't call myself a burnt out student but it felt like I was one myself, my grandma does love me but when theres an exam coming she would tell me to study...
Well not like the usual "Study dear ok?" its more of like "You study, I don't want to see you doing anything else and if I do..." She would go on to say something like ground me, or flick my mouth/hands, you can think of anything else as a punishment.

Look I love her and all but, its just that it hurt knowing that she only expects me to get high grades and be one of the honor students and not acknowledge my other achievements. It just pained me to hear it coming from her very own mouth, in all seriousness I love her and all but I do tend to snap back and retaliate explaining this that and yeah...

I tend to get compared to my siblings about body shape and size, them having a fine body and all that while me over here, being body shamed. I didn't really care but I got a lot more conscious about it, I didn't want to think and hear about it and what they have to say, I just hated it.

I get accused of playing while studying when I'm not, one of my grandma's sibling telling my grandma about how fat I am, being thrown under the bus in my previous school.

• I keep telling myself that the next day is going to get better, but when I always get home that sunshine lollipop shit goes away, switched with cloud over my head thundering and raining over me.

... I think this is getting too long, I'll write again tomorrow, sign...

Luka