High School Musical: The Unrequited Love in Darkness

Suicide Attempts

- The Next Day -

- Alitza -
(Sigh)...... Great.... Another morning where I didn't die in my sleep....

You'd think dying in my sleep would be so easy. Having my life suddenly come to an end.

After years of constantly getting beaten and ridiculed for simply existing as a kid, I've always thought of ways I could die.

Car crash:
How I've prayed to get run over by a drunk guy who's coping with his pain by drinking himself to a hospital.

My mom and aunt would pretend to be sad, even though they haven't had a conversation with me for the past 8 years.

They always pretend to give a shit about me, but in reality, they're too busy making Tiktok videos where they pander to the dumbest possible simps they could find.

Disgusting.

A criminal:
If a criminal pointed a gun to my head, I'd gladly let him pull the trigger.

He'd probably hesitate, showing weakness. Shaking his hands while he's pointing the gun at me. Stuttering, saying "I.... I.... I'm gonna do it."

I'd insult him, calling him a weak, pathetic sheep who didn't even have the balls to commit murder.

I would punch him in the face, he'd subconsciously shoot me and put me out of my misery.

Suicide:
I actually tried it. Many times. Hanging myself with a rope, shooting myself with a gun, overdosing on pills.

With every time I attempted it, Ended in failure.

I don't even know how I failed trying to shoot myself.
All I had to do was point the gun to my head and pull the trigger.

The gun wouldn't work for some reason.
Piece of junk, you had one job and you failed.

When I tried hanging myself.
I tied the rope to my ceiling Fan, stood on a kitchen chair, and I put the noose on my neck.

When I jumped out of the chair, the ceiling fan broke and it landed on me. It hurt like hell, but it didn't kill me.

The mission failed.

When I tried overdosing on pills, I ended up foaming in the mouth, passed out, and I ended up in a hospital.

My mom told me some generic bullcrap about how she "loves" me and she'd "never want me to kill myself.

To make herself feel better about her life.

Acting as if she's a decent parent...

What a load of bullshit.

She never cared about me, for my entire life I've had to fend for myself.

I had to learn to cook as a 5 year old because she was to busy to feed me herself.

Even though she could've easily did her job as a parent and fed me, she decided not to. Telling me "I'm too busy. Cook something yourself."

.......

It was probably the first time I got fucked over in life.

Tch... Whatever....

After internally thinking about my suicide attempts, I got out of bed and did the shit I usually do every fucking morning.

(Sigh).... Maybe I'll die in my sleep the next time I go to bed.. Life is fucking exhausting. How do people enjoy this shit?

How do people wake up and be like
"Oh golly gee!!!! I'm so happy to wake up to this fine beautiful morning in this amazing world I live in!!!!

This world makes me sick.
The universe has a sick, sadistic sense of humor for forcing me to spend every waking moment being alive when I want to die.