The Teenage Reality l.h

45. I need you back

No, no, no.

Calum can't have feelings for me, I can't carry the guilt anymore. I hated this, I hated hurting people, especially Calum.

My eyes were directly on him, I never left his eyes and I knew if I did, I would be leaving him and I don't want that. I don't want to leave my best friend he's been through so much with me and knowing that he still have feelings for me just makes me feel guilty.

I felt guilty because I don't have any feelings for Calum, I never did. I always see him as a best friend and nothing more, nothing less. I didn't want to hurt Calum he doesn't deserve to be treated like that.

Calum was about to lean in but I stepped aside. His reaction made my heart dropped, he was pouting slightly and his eyes turned gloomy.

"I-i'm sorry" I shook my head, "I can't do it" I told Calum honestly. "I don't want to lose you, ever" I continued on, I needed to be heartless at this point. If I continued on with this guilt, I might as well not live.

"But I don't have feelings for you Cal" I sucked in a deep breath before saying those lines. "At least not the lovely dovey kind" I added.

"I see you as my best friend and I can't date my best friend because I know if we ever break up our friendship will be put to waste and I don't want that to ever happen to any of my friends" Calum nodded understandingly, but I knew he was hurt deep down inside. I can tell by the look on his face, he wanted to just turn away and cry.

"I'm sorry for ever thinking that you'd like me back" Calum's voice cracked and I shook my head and wrapped my arms around his body. "I do like you Calum, you've been my rock ever since I moved here in Australia, you've been so good to me ever since and it hurts me to hurt you because I know you're an amazing person who deserves a girl who is just as amazing as you are, and clearly I'm not that girl" I heaved out a shaky breath and pulled away from the embrace.

"Thank you for everything Calum" I knew it was wrong to do what I did next but I had to and I knew that it will drag Calum even more but It felt right as if the heavy tons on my shoulder were lift off slowly and willingly.

I pressed my lips against Calum and shut my eye closed, the kiss held so many emotions and so many memories since our first kiss together back in school.

It didn't last long, it was a chaste kiss anyways even if it was short it was still meaningful to the both of us. I could tell Calum was trying to enjoy it as much as possible but was saddened when I pulled away. "Thank you" Calum curved his lips into a smile, "For everything Skyla" he repeated what I said to him just now.

"I know this is probably the worst time to tell you and I know you're going to be furious with me for not telling you this sooner but-" Calum sucked in a deep breath before letting out his few words.

"Luke is in a mental hospital"

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Just right when Calum said those words my whole entire body felt numb and I couldn't process the words the were coming out of his mouth.

I was angry that no one told me about this when everyone knew about it but I was too worried about Luke to be angry at anyone.

Luke is my ex boyfriend but that still doesn't give anyone the rights to inform as we are still friends and it's not like I didn't care for Luke. I cared for Luke, and I still do.

I always will.

I opened the door to Luke's room in the mental hospital, I cringed just saying the word mental hospital. I made Calum drive me to where Luke was because I wanted to make sure that he was okay.

When we met up with the reception lady she told me that Luke was pretty much stable but mentally depressed and my heart dropped when she explained that to me.

Luke was wearing his normal clothes, though his hair was flat and fluffy. His face was paler than usual and his whole posture was slouchy.

"Sky?" He voiced out softly, Calum stood behind me but he made sure Luke didn't see him for some reason. "What are you doing here?" Luke asked.

"I think I should be asking you, why are you here?" I retorted. Luke sighed and looked down clasping his fingers together and playing around with his thumbs. "I-i don't know"

I turned around to Calum and motined him wait outside for me. I stepped inside the white room and stepped closer to Luke who was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed.

"Really?" I asked him. "Is it because of me?" He turned to me and gave me a sad smile but nodded. "I couldn't forgive myself for hurting you, It hurts me too much" Luke explained. "I was thinking for the past few days and I felt extremely horrible and I didn't eat for awhile because of how much the guilt was eating me alive" I placed one of my hand on his and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"But I forgave you didn't I?" Luke shook his head. "You did but I didn't" I rubbed my thumb over his hand reassuring him.

"I hate myself" He sighed loudly.

"I let everyone down, you, the band, the fans, my family I don't even know what I'm doing right now" I shook my head not accepting his blame for himself, I turned his head around so he could face me and made him look me in the eye.

"You're hurt Luke, I can tell. But you didn't let anyone down, you're perfect Luke I don't think there are ways for anyone to think you're not, I think that you just need to stop blaming yourself for everything that you didn't intend to do" I didn't care if heavy tears were rolling down my cheeks, I didn't care if I seemed weak to him, I only cared for him and nothing else at this point.

"I love you, and you know that" I whispered to him. "You've done everything right Luke, so please stop doing this to yourself, I hate seeing you this way, I want the happy Luke back, I want the Luke who's determined to make everyone happy including me, I want you back Luke" He still kept his eyes locked in mine never looking away once.

"I need you back, Luke"