Only You (YeonGyu)

Chapter 5

Sometimes, even if we're serious, we get enthralled by someone that gives us an unsettling sentiment. Not in a bad way... more like an indescribable feeling. The moment you find yourself stuck in a dream, you'll realize that time has stopped moving. You'll yearn for this feeling to be endless and forever be slow. In my current situation, it's like time has slowed down. My eyes are only fixed on Sir Yeonjun. I couldn't hear anything at all. The sounds were so unclear.

The way his lips move every time he speaks, the way he bats his eyes, and the way he moves his hands gracefully... everything about his package is so incredible. I don't know what this feeling is, but just by watching him makes me feel all so light. It's like I'm being captured by the stars. Why do I feel so serene towards him? Just what is he anyway? Have I gone mad? God, what's happening to me?

I can't distinguish this gentle sensation I'm having. Somehow, I feel at ease just by staring at him. The amount of calmness pouring into my veins is just so relaxing. With my confused state, my heart was telling me to put on a happy face – it's like I could smile just for a second. However, my emotions are very inexplicable, so I remain solemn.

As my heart starts to beat fast while my mind becomes clouded, I slowly get lost in space. All I could see was him. His entire presence got me trapped in an empty paradise like I couldn't get back to my senses. Maybe I'm just star-struck by him.

It didn't take long for the class to be over. The whole time, I was just deeply mesmerized. I didn't even realize that his class was already done, not until Kai nudged me to snap me out of it. 

"Hey, are you okay? You've been staring into space for an hour. Sir Yeonjun just finished his lesson. We should get going now."

I heard him loud and clear, but my eyes were still fixed on Sir Yeonjun. I watch him silently pick his things up as he reminds us to not forget our assignment for next week. Gosh, I didn't know he gave us an assignment. What the hell's wrong with me today? I should've just focused on the discussion and not let myself zone out. With my eyes still staring at him, he glanced at me for a second and smiled slightly.

My cheeks got red as I quickly turned my head to the other side. I felt shy from his gaze, so I waited for him to exit the room. Huening Kai weirdly looked at me, but I didn't mind that. Even I was getting weirded out by myself. Am I sick? Did I catch a fever? Why do I feel so hot and uneasy? It's like my guts were doing backflips, and I could just vomit out of nauseousness.

"What's wrong with you? Are you feeling okay? You've been acting like a weirdo. You look like a tomato, Beomgyu-sshi."

I only ignored Kai, shaking my head to wake myself up. Afterwards, we went out of the room, planning to head home. While we're walking down the halls, Kai starts talking again. This time, he's talking about Sir Yeonjun and Sir Soobin, comparing them to each other.

"Sir Yeonjun is so hot, right? I haven't seen anyone like him before. And he's even a good speaker. His way of teaching us the lesson was dreamy. How come our teachers are so good-looking? What's their secret? It's getting me excited for some reason wahahaha... however, I'm still into Sir Soobin. I think I prefer him more than Sir Yeonjun. I don't know why, but I like Sir Soobin more."

We've reached the main gate, and I'm still bewildered for some reason. I'm definitely sure that something is wrong with me. I'm not in my usual self, and it's kinda pissing me off.

"You've been so out of it since Sir Yeonjun's class started. Are you sure you're okay, Beomgyu-sshi?"

"Mmmhh~ I'm fine. Anyways, I should go home already."

"Huh? You're going home already? Don't you want to come with me? Let's go to a cafe and have something delicious!" Kai said in excitement.

He wraps his arm around mine, giving me those puppy eyes and begging me to say yes. Now, he's making it hard for me to say no. To be honest, I appreciate his offer. He wants to hang out with me, but as much as I want to do the same thing with him, I can't help but feel threatened. He's still new to me, and I can't guarantee that he's trustworthy. What if he's just like the others? I'm scared. I'm afraid of getting so attached to somebody that will just leave me all alone at the end. It's not what I want to experience – never again.

"I'm sorry. I have some important things to do. Maybe next time."

"Oh. I... see."

He frowns with his lips pouted as he slowly takes his arm off of me. I can clearly see that he's upset which makes me feel guilty about it. You can't blame me, though. I'm just being aware of people I don't fully know yet. It's the only thing I can think of. My whole plan for this entire semester is to be alone and not have any friends, because it's hard to trust someone. It's based on my own experience in which the people whom I thought were my friends were only fake ones.

"I'll get going, then." I muttered before walking away.

"Okay. B-Bye." Kai mumbled with a hint of sadness in his tone.

I didn't look back at him and kept walking. I couldn't do it. My mind is telling me that I'm just doing the right thing, while my heart is being crushed by guilt. It was part of my plan, right? I have to be distant. I have to close my doors and never let anyone enter my life. No matter how much I want the opposite way, I know to myself that the damages I've gained are enough for me to push people away. I've realized that I'm destined to be alone – to be friendless. I deserve this kind of treatment, because I'm too pitiful to be happy. And if ever there's someone that will come into my life, they won't even last long. Will they be able to accept me for who I am? Will they be able to handle my pain the way I handle myself? I don't think so. No one is gonna save me – no one can. My life has been buried under the shadows for so long. Who would even save a man in distress like me?

As I've reached my house, I traipsed straight to the door, unlocking it. The smell of loneliness and emptiness greeted me as I entered. I let out a sigh, letting my eyes wander around the living room. It feels so cold. My parents are still not home yet, and for sure, they'll be home by dinner time.

I slowly went to my room and lay in my bed. This day was so heavy and tiring. My body feels so drained, even my mind is out of shape. I could sleep, but I knew I'd get in trouble once my parents arrived here. They want me to clean the whole house, prepare dinner, and do some grocery shopping, when I checked my messages. So many things to do, yet I'm so stressed out. How am I going to do all of it if I'm feeling lazy? I have no energy left. Maybe I should just rest and face the consequences later when they get home.  As I closed my eyes, the image of Sir Yeonjun crossed my mind. His aura and charisma are somehow peculiar to me. When I see his smile, my heart skips a beat. Before I knew it, my lips were curled up in a small smile as I dozed off.