I started off as a single spark, then a small glow of light, then a tiny flame, then a bigger flame, and then I was a fire, a blazing uncontrollable fire.
I was free then. I was at peace. But now, I'm stuck. Stuck in this body, forever trapped in the tight cage that is this exoskeleton.
I miss the freedom of being nothing but kindling in someone's fire pit. But at the same time, maybe this is for the best.
Maybe this is how it's meant to be, even if I don't like it.
I suppose there are good things, but still, I’m trapped here, I have no way back, no way back home, I’m saying this as if I ever had a home.
There was no place to call “home” for what I was and things alike. You go where the wind takes you, whatever direction the current is going, you never stay in one place forever.
If you were like I was, you would know that you have no control over where you are, you just, flow.
If you think about it, I was everywhere. I am made up of sparks and flames from all over the world, I am not my own flame.
There is no “I”, for everything like me, we were not individuals, only bits and pieces of everyone and everything else all mashed together.
Still, I miss it, I miss my old “life”, if I could even call it that.
If you were like how I was, you would know that it wasn't really life that you were experiencing, it was more like watching the world from a perspective of someone who wasn't really there, someone who was just killing time, in the corner, irrelevant.
I don't know how else to explain it, my “memory” isn't that great, or maybe it is and I just can't tell anything apart anymore.
I’ve been to so many places, seen and heard so many things, after hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions of years, everything starts to blend together.
I don't remember where or when any of my memories from my old experience of the world happened. Its blurry, like a glitchy old video from a film camera, you can see and hear what's happening but its grainy, staticky and all over the place, you can't remember when it happened, you don't even remember it happening, but you know it did, because it's right there, on that camera.
That video is proof that it happened, how come you don't remember it? You don't remember it because it didn't happen to YOU.
It happened to what you once were, who you used to be, that's not you anymore, you're not the little kid in that video anymore, you're not the kindling in the fire, you're not the wind, you're not the bird in its nest. You're not there.
That's not you anymore, stop trying to convince yourself that you are still who you were, you're not. You are nowhere near the same.
Stop it, stop trying to remember, you don't belong there anymore. Stop. Just stop. It’s done. You can't go back.
Live today. Live the life youve been given, don't throw away your second chance. Keep going, stop looking back.
No ones standing there, watching you walk away. Everyone has accepted that you are not there anymore, that you are no longer relevant, they've moved on, why can't you?
Come on, it's time to go. Put the picture down, it's not real, you were never really there.
Like I said, you were just viewing the world in a different perspective then you are now, it doesn't matter anymore.
Maybe it mattered then, but it doesn't matter now. Forget it. It. Is. Irrelevant. Stop trying to remember, it won't help.
Now come, live in today, or you won't ever live again.
