you kept me like a secret, i'll keep you as a memory

"Love, A."

I knew he wasn't talking about me to his friends. Maybe he was ashamed? Maybe he forgot.

Just like how he had forgotten about me on the 24. january. While I got ready for him to pick me up with his car he had just gotten after passing his driving test, he was fighting for his life. I had massaged him the day before, asking if he still remembered our plans to go the movies.

jan. 23, 2:54 pm

"Oh I would love to be picked up by you. Just drive carefully haha. My mom would kill us both if something happened."

"Do you even remember where i live?"

jan. 23, 3:37 pm

"Hello? Are you there?"

jan. 23, 9:58 pm

"Helloooo?? Have you died?"

I had no idea.

jan. 24, 2:27 pm

*an half upset voice message on his phone*

no reply. no call. no nothing. 

feb. 3, 11:30 am

*reply to own message "Have you died?"*

"I'll take that as a yes"

what a funny joke.

no reply.

feb. 5, 2:18 pm

*reply from his phone*

"Hello, dear. Here is him mom speaking. Sadly yes. If you want to know what happened, please message me on my own phone. With love, C."

silence. no reply. this time from me.

I thought it was a joke. But for some reason my entire body was shaking. The next moments felt.. unreal. 

I messaged the number, thinking about what an unfunny joke that was. There was no way he was dead. No way. I remember I was praying to whoever would listen for it to be a joke. It better be a joke.

feb 5; 2:20 pm

"Hello C. I just got your message and wanted to know if everything is alright?"

"Hello, dear. Sadly he lost his battle on feb 1. C."

"What?? What battle? What happened?"

"He passed away due to injuries from the accident. I'm sorry you had to find out this way. Love, C."

no reply from me. It wasn't a joke.

He had gotten into a car accident one day before our planned trip to the movies. It hadn't been his fault, how I would later find out. Which made it even worse. 

An accident? I hoped it hadn't happened on the 24. Not on the way to my place. Please not.

It had happened on the 23. And a disgusting part in me was relieved. Another driver hadn't seen him. It was dark outside at 8 am. The driver wasn't paying attention and he pushed him off the road where my friend crashed into a big tree. 

4 minutes away from the place that I lived. Only 4 minutes. 

He had barely been older than me. Now he'll be forever 19. 19 years old. 

I was invited to his funeral. They would put his body to rest in some cemetary no one had ever heard of. People would forget he ever existed.

So while he kept me a secret from his family, his friends and everyone he knew; I'm only left with memories.

feb. 10, 2:36 am

"Hello, C. Sorry for the late reply. Tell me if can do anything to help you. Love, A."

he was the first one to go