SI VIS AMARI, AMA

SI VIS AMARI, AMA (IF YOU WISH TO BE LOVED, LOVE)

Porsche has been staying in Kinn's hospital room ever since Kinn pretended that the hospital is haunted and Porsche pretended to be scared just so that he could have an excuse to not leave Kinn's side.

The few days they've spent handcuffed together seem to give Porsche a severe case of abandonment anxiety as every waking moment he is not clinging to Kinn; either holding his hand or snuggling up to Kinn until his nose is pressed on his chest or absentmindedly brushing his knuckles on his forearm feels wrong . The worst part is that Kinn enables him, smiling softly at Porsche whenever he reaches out to initiate physical contact like a newborn kitten looking for warmth.

It is so easy to close his eyes and let the world fade to nothing but the silken feeling of Kinn's fingers running through his hair, and let his sweet murmurs lull him to sleep. However, nothing good can last forever, and the stark realization hits Porsche on a rainy afternoon when Chan knocks on the door and announces that Khun Korn is here to see Kinn. So far, they have not been disturbed, if he doesn't count Tankhun stopping by and immediately leaving when he saw Kinn laying slack-jawed and soft on Porsche's lap, silky hair covering his eyes as he slept, and the sweet nurse who comes by every few hours to make sure Kinn's shoulder is doing okay.

Kinn tenses and Porsche untangles himself from the sheets in a hurry. "I'll go," he murmurs, looking for his slippers.

"You don't have to."

Porsche knows why Chan knocked on the door. Word spreads fast in the Thereepanyakun household and he is sure bodyguards have been running their mouths about him not leaving his boss' side. Or maybe they were talking about how they found Kinn draped over Porsche, how Khun Kinn jumped in front of the bullet to protect his own bodyguard. He is unsure how Khun Korn would feel about their relationship's unexpected turn.

Kinn's eyes never leave him as he gets up, and smoothes down his side of the bed. Kinn's hand is stretched over the sheets as if he is searching for his hand. "It will be quick," he assures Porsche. Porsche just nods, smiling.

"I think I can handle being alone for a few minutes." He is not sure if he could, actually. But he can try- and that's what he does when he goes back to his room, sitting on the cold bed and biting his lips. He is not very positive Khun Korn would be okay with Kinn sleeping with one of his bodyguards, let alone dating them. He will surely think Porsche is a weakness and he will order Kinn to remove him from his security detail, meaning that he will have to endure not being able to see Kinn every second of the day. The thought sends cramps down his stomach. Their days spent tucked in a forest had some profound, fucked up effect on him. Ever since they came back, every moment he can't see Kinn next to him when he looks up is torture. Maybe it's because he got used to his presence too fast, maybe it's because he had to watch Kinn sacrifice himself to save him. Maybe it's because Kinn loved him more than his pride, and let him go.

He doesn't know how long he has been sitting on the bed immersed in his own thoughts, but the knock on the door startles him. He looks up, and can't help but smile. Kinn is standing in the doorway, smiling back at him, eyes full of longing.

He sits next to Porsche, grabbing his hand to intertwine their fingers. The familiar warmth of Kinn floods his senses, and he sighs in relief. Kinn kisses his shoulder. "I missed you."

"It's only been ten minutes."

"Fifteen. I checked from my tablet."

Porsche chuckles, leaning in to bury his forehead into Kinn's shoulder. "That's not weird at all." He looks up, brows furrowed. "Are you okay?"

Kinn shifts on the bed uncomfortably. Porsche knows from the way he clenches his jaw that something is bothering him. He feels lucky that Kinn trusts him to show his emotions in front of him. It makes him feel fuzzy and warm, it makes him want to share his burden and makes him want to fix it for Kinn. "What is it?"