Zombie Queen

First

‘Alright. Zombie apocalypse scenario. What’re you doing?’

Carl took a long, dragging inhale before releasing it from his mouth in a cloud of twisting smoke. He frowned thoughtfully as he considered the question. He even put his joint down for a moment as he turned it over in his mind, which was quite impressive for him. Maybe Jess was just high, but for a moment she swore she could see the wheels turning in his brain as he digested her prompt...

He looked so care-free, with smoke steaming simultaneously from his nostrils and his half-open mouth. Handsome, but in a silly, boyish kind of way that made her heart melt, just a little bit. Maybe it was the drugs, or maybe there was just something about him that made it feel like all her problems were distant and insignificant. Whatever it was, Jess savoured the feeling. Sometimes she wished she could freeze the time, and just be so easy with him forever.

Suddenly, he pointed at her with conviction. ‘Mat’s house!’ He grinned wider, the intoxicated genius of his idea beginning to dawn on him, ‘think about it,’ he explained, clasping his hands together like a business man, ‘he’s got that basement. Almost no one knows about it except us! Plus he’s got food down there, drinks... we’d be set for months!’ Jess smiled at her friend’s enthusiasm. It was a pretty good idea, actually. But not the one she was looking for.

‘So you’ore suggesting we live off stolen vodka?’

‘Hell yeah!’ Carl exclaimed, ‘it’d make the whole apocalypse less depressing!’

‘But, what about after that?’ She asked, ‘what about when a few months is over, and the rest of the world are all zombies, and we’re just stuck, drunk, in Mat’s basement!’ Carl frowned again, his shoulders slumping in disappointment as his foggy mind tried to make it work.

‘We could... fight them... Get into a supermarket and just-‘ he started miming how he would slaughter the zombies, complete with over the top sound effects and an Oscar-worthy death scene. He grabbed an imaginary zombie by the throat and pummelled it ruthlessly, and they both descended into uncontrollable laughter before Jess caught her breath again and pursued the issue.

‘No, no,’ Jess continued, ‘because what then? Even if we somehow lived in a supermarket... What happens when the world is overrun by these zombies, and there’s no more food left?’

‘What, you don’t think I could take ‘em?’ Carl pouted as he threw a few more weak punches.

‘No, but, think about it... Getting by everyday... Life would be hell!’

‘Oh yeah, well do you have a better idea?’ Said carl, arms grumpily folded and offended. Jess suppressed another fit of giggles that threatened to overtake her at the sight of that expression. He was like an angry puppy, and it was both adorable and hilarious.

‘Honestly... I think I’d just let myself get bitten.’ Carl tried to reply, found his lungs were filled with smoke and so instead just made a sort of gasping noise as he coughed up white air. His red-rimmed eyes brimmed with tears as he struggled, and this time Jess couldn’t keep herself from laughing at her friend’s clumsiness. It’s endearing, is what she would tell him later when he was sober and embarrassed. And she would mean it, too. Intoxicated Carl was undeniably cute, and she could watch this foolishness all day.

‘You’re... Insane!’ He managed to choke out once he had mostly recovered.

‘No, no, no, think about it!’ Jess protested, and it was her turn to convince him. She had been thinking about it a lot, and she was sure she had drawn the best solution. ‘Think of all the movies. Would you rather be the lone survivor, always running from a mob of zombies then inevitably getting ripped apart by them? Or would you rather just... Be part of the mob. I think I’d just be one of the zombies, it seems chill!’

Carl sat back, hands on either side of his head as he exclaimed, ‘dude!’ Jess giggled and tried to continue explaining, ‘it’d- it’d be fine we’d just- run around with all our zombie friends-‘

‘No, dude, you’re right!’ Carl cried, his mouth hanging open in awe that was not at all feigned. He was really, really high, and this idea had simply blown his mind. ‘One with the zombies- that’s the only good option! You, my friend, are a sadistic genius.’

‘Why, thank you,’ Jess put a hand to her heart gave a flattered smile. She held out her steadily steaming joint in a kind of knock-off toast. ‘To getting bitten,’ she joked, and Carl quickly joined in. He held his out next to hers, letting the smoke mix and waft away. He gave her a goofy grin which didn’t quite reach his red eyes, an expression that nearly made her laugh all over again.

‘To getting bitten.’