High Priestess of Sanuela

10. Walking Through Fear

Within the caves, Ayana was at ease. After all, there was nothing to be afraid of. She had grown accustomed to the darkness, and it was a comforting and calming feeling. Peculiarly, this part of the caves had large and smooth rocks, so nothing could hit her knee. Most of the time, she would spread out her arms and take one step at a time, occasionally varying depending on what intuition told her.

Sometimes, her hands would find stones in front of her. She would breathe in and out, deepening her connection with herself. Usually, she already knew where the path through the mountain would continue. But was it a labyrinth? She wouldn't know – she only followed one direction and didn't search for side paths. Just like in life sometimes, she thought, when we follow our inner path that we intuitively feel is right for us. "That's right," she heard the answer from Ignisia inside her.

In this darkest part of the Mystical Caves, there were no animals like she sometimes spotted in the lighter areas with the phosphorescent moss and mushrooms. She was completely alone, maybe for the first time in her life. She felt free – and it felt good!

Amidst all the positive emotions and experiences, Ayana also encountered other episodes, during which she accessed her inner being and became observant of her darker feelings and downward-flowing astral energies. There was still much to heal and forgive within her. For each scene that appeared in her consciousness, Ayana thanked Mother Goddess Sanuela, and for each scene and the related emotions, she asked for and offered forgiveness.

With this inner work, it almost seemed to her that each new hour she felt a bit lighter and a bit purer inside – pure, like a priestess and goddess-in-the-making. This was the direction her guides, her inner senses and her heart showed her, while helping her to solve old, destructive patterns that were still in her way.

But with the loving purity, she also opened the doors to many of her inner fears. She understood, why angels and archangels were often depicted with swords or lances, these were the light-bringing beams of love, to fight against the evil powers of fear. It was one of the hardest inner battles, easy to lose without even noticing it, Ayana had found out early in her life.

Fear was also the greatest manipulation from within ourselves. Ayana had always felt how she let herself be controlled to a greater or lesser extent by her fears and anxieties. They determined where she travelled and where she wouldn't. They determined which inner pathways she trusted herself to take and which she didn't, which people she approached and to whom she closed herself off, how honestly, openly, and lovingly she spoke to other souls, ...

At times, Ayana found it difficult to differentiate her inner voice from the voice of fear; both sounded strikingly similar. She had often noticed herself following what seemed like an insight from her inner centre, yet it was instead only the fear of opening herself further. She comprehended how fear was like a hidden prison, holding us away from our true love and joy. Fear always sought to make us take the safe path – even if that meant shielding us off from wonderful possibilities that life offered for us. Ayana recognised that, in order to trust more in herself and face new doors and opportunities with courage, she needed to break free from the prison of false beliefs and emotions that held her back in certain behaviour or action patterns.

Just knowing this had made her a battler of all her fears and anxieties. But battling was not a word that quite described her way of working with them. Whenever they showed up, she would greet them like friends, offering tea and chocolate, sitting with them, experiencing them. And then, they had to leave again because her love was just much stronger. They were asked to leave her loving aura, and so they always did. It worked every time; she just always had to go back to her heart centre if she sometimes forgot briefly while in a state of fear or anxiety. Her love was her divine lance, and the fear was swiftly forgotten.