Reminder (Hiatus)

2

  Trigger Warning: Child abuse, drugs, knives. Skip to TW END if you don't want to read this part. No physical injuries though, just emotional and verbal abuse. True events are put together to make one scenario.

 Warm summer days were always my favorite. Dad would take me fishing. I love him so much, he was my best friend. Now warm summer days are torture. Without the escape of school, I have no safe place.

   I hide in my room trying to avoid interacting with Dad. Heavy footsteps head my way. I push my back against the wall clutching my blanket. The door to my room burst open and bangs into the wall. Dad stands there, glaring at me. I can tell from his dilated pupils that he's high. He no longer looks like the man he used to be.

   "Give me your phone!" He shouts startling me.

   Without hesitation, I stand up and hand it to him unlocked. I back away from him as he begins to scroll through it. He stops and returns his glare to me. Unable to control myself I begin to shake. What could he have possibly found? He flips to phone around so I can see the screen. He points at a text I sent my mom.

   Haha... That's so funny. XD

   "What's this, huh? XD stands for ex-dad, doesn't it?" He's beyond angry.

   I'm terrified and confused. I try to defend myself. "What? No, that's not what it means! XD is supposed to be a laughing face."

   He scoffs at me. "Yeah right, you are working with your mom to try and get rid of me. You're spying on me with this stupid phone."

   "No, I'm not! I'm twelve, I don't even know how to do that!" I cry

   "Bullshit! I've had enough of this shit." He chucks my phone into the wall, smashing it. "Now you can't spy on me to ruin my life. Get your ass in the living room!"

   I scurry past him into the hallway. I don't have a way to call for help now. Maybe I should make a run for it. No, I wouldn't get far. Last time he caught me and it made him even angrier. He stomps after me. His heavy footsteps make the floor shake.

   "Since you hate me so much, why don't you take me out?" His comment catches me off guard so I turn around and look at him.

   In his hand is a pocket knife with its blade out. I stare at the blade. He continues yelling at me to take it. I'm trembling in fear. He keeps thrusting the knife at me. He inches closer to me but I'm frozen in place. His eyes bore into mine. 

   "Take this knife and stab me here. This is what you want. You know it is." He points at the side of his neck as he screams.

   He stops thrusting the knife at me. I take my chance and grab the knife, not even worrying about getting cut. He stares at me with wide eyes. His stance changes and it looks like he's going to charge at me. I quickly turn and toss the knife as far away from the both of us. 

   A tap on my shoulder snaps me out of my flashback. My therapist looks at me with worried eyes. She asked me about my relationship with my father before the meth made him go insane. I feel the burn of tears in my eyes. Successfully, I hold them back

   "Our time is up for today. Go home and relax. I'm putting you on an antidepressant. It should be ready at the pharmacy in a few hours." Her voice is calm and soothing.

   I nod and grab my bag before heading to the door. This is the first flashback I've had in therapy. I started it a few weeks ago after my mother suggested I go. Remembering hurts, the bad memories make me sad. The good memories though, rip my heart to pieces. 

   The good memories remind me of what I lost. If he was never a good dad in the first place, it wouldn't hurt this bad. He took an amazing relationship and used it to hurt me beyond repair. He used my love against me. Always convinced me to come back because he was, "better and sober."