"OUR" EPILOGUE

I stared at her reaction and it didn't help that I've felt as if I've ridiculed myself in front of her again by- well, being myself. I'm anxious and the cold didn't help at all because fuck it, that little shaking that my fingers are doing? That's probably from the cold or that I'm very fucking nervous right now. I just hope that I didn't look like a dunce after confessing everything and AFTER leaving her life like that.

"You Idiot!"

There it is and I winced both from the name and the volume of her voice. Alright, I expected that.

"You're such an idiot! I hate you so much! How can you do something so stupid?" She demanded and I know where she's going. I already know but I couldn't find it in me to reply. Words were caught up in my throat while I stared at her. The anger building behind her glare was apparent and I would've backed away if I didn't know Naomi better.

"I spent eleven years being bullied! What's one more year of people bullying me until I graduate out of that prison? I didn't care if I was being bullied as long as I was with y-" she stopped at that.

We both stared at each other. The silence that came after was too thick that even I'm scared of breaking it. I let the moment pass as I studied her expression. There it is, isn't it? God, I'm just too dumb to see through it all. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. Holy shit, speechless and shivering. I didn't know why but the cold was seeping into my skin despite the layers of clothing that covered me. I felt my hands trembling and I wanted to check if they were; if this situation is really affecting me like how I'd expect it to be; just a bit of reality check.

I held her gaze. I feel like that's the least I can do but I think it's not enough. I KNOW it's not enough. She was still glaring at me but there was that tired look in her eyes.

Thing is, I too want to be with her. Fuck, I'm stupid and scared enough to not admit that yes, I STILL want to be with her. I just can't. I know I can't.

The silence stretches between us and the only thing that can be heard were the howling of the wind and the snow being disturbed as it was being swept away. She watched my every move; scrutinizing my face as if it would give away my response to her words and unfortunately for me, it did.

I felt my eyes squeezing itself as I tried to soak it all in. The guilt, the shame and most of all, the regret. Especially the regret. God fucking dammit- you dimwit. I would've curse myself more but I know Naomi is waiting for a response and I NEED to give her a response.

"I'm sorry- I'm just so scared. I wanted to do more for us" I finally admitted before opening my eyes as I felt the tears building up. I tried not to tear up. I wouldn't be the coward who would resort to crying upon realizing his mistake. "Trust me, I wanted more of us" I said and I looked up to finally meet her gaze and she wore that pained confused look. Her brows furrowed as she looks at me through her glasses. "I wanted to take it all back if I can! To have you back if I was strong enough but trust me when I say I'm weak, Naomi! I'm weak and I'm scared that I couldn't protect you-"

"I don't need you to protect me!" She yelled and I saw a glint of something in her eyes. Her other hand balled up to a fist as she stepped forward and grabbed a handful of my coat to pull me down. The strength of her pull caught me off guard."I just wanted you to be there for me when it happens!" She glared at me and I wondered if by some chance I had missed this fire throughout our relationship. There was heat behind those eyes and it could melt ice if she willed it to but nonetheless, I'm still glad they're looking at me. "Dammit, Parker, Didn't you thought of that ? Don't you ever think that maybe I can handle it?" And I wanted to tell her that I wouldn't want her to deal with it in the first place, "what is it with you and the others trying to protect me to the point that I have to lose something- SOMEONE in return?" She asked and I frowned at that. "I've been surviving long before you came into my life so I am only asking you to be there for me. To stay by my side" she added and her voice faltered at the end. Exhaustion finally caught up to her, Whether it's emotional or physical, I'm not so sure anymore. I wanted to hold her and tell her that I get it. That I understand what she want now and I would do just that but it's not that simple. By God, it's not. So I just stared at her.