Up The Wolves | Negan

Chapter Nineteen: Further From Reality

My fingertips could feel the cool of the leather jacket, and the heat coming from underneath it. I ran my hand down the arm--just to make sure, watching the man in front of me as his chest raised and lowered. He was breathing.

"Are you... Real?" I asked. Of course, it had to be after spilling all my craziness that I come to this conclusion.

"Lou..." he trailed off, but it wasn't... Harsh. It was almost what I'd consider... Concern.

"You're supposed to disappear," I whispered, trying not to hate myself for everything I'd just accidentally let him know, "My hand is supposed to go through you and then you disappear," I elaborated, looking behind him to see that the door was opened. I hadn't even heard the latch click, nor had I noticed in my bout of rage, "You're... Actually Negan," I finally came to terms with it. He lifted his hand to mine that was still resting on his jacket as my eyes shut in realization, "I'm such a dumbass," I mumbled.

"Yes you are!" a voice behind me exclaimed with a whistle and I turned, finally losing my entire mind over this all.

"Shut the fuck up!" I screamed. It was only after that that I was reminded that Echo was in the room, as he finally stirred awake, "Oh, no, no, no, no," I ran to the bed, lifting him up and trying to coo him back to sleep, bouncing him. He'd definitely gotten a lot bigger than the first time I'd held him.

"Lou, we need to go," Negan--the real Negan--behind me spoke. I knew he'd want to break down everything I'd just said to him and go over it with me, but I wasn't sure that I could.

"Please, just five more minutes with him," I begged, my hand on the back of Echo's head as I held him close to my body. I didn't bother to look at Negan; I knew he wouldn't go for my request.

"You can bring him with us," he said and I shook my head. I couldn't.

"He's better off here," I said, not considering whether that would anger him or not--it was simply the truth. I heard Negan huff before hearing his footsteps leading down the hallway to Olivia's front door. I stayed another few moments, just long enough to rock the baby in my arms back to sleep and lay him back down on the bed. With one last kiss on his forehead, I walked out the door and down to the Pantry, where I was sure I'd find Negan and his men.

I was almost correct, as they were standing outside while the Saviors cleaned out all of Alexandria's guns. All of them.

"You can't take all the guns. What are they supposed to do if walkers get in? Or if another community attacks?" I questioned Negan, who seemed about back to his other self now that we were around others.

"Well, you have Rick's kid to thank for that. He almost shot one of my guys, and I just can't have emotional outbursts like that," he explained and I looked at Rick, almost for an elaboration, but he couldn't meet my eyes.

"Ridiculous," I managed to mutter, catching  Negan's gaze.

"I've got another job for you," he said, stopping one of his men who were loading up a truck, "Take Lou here back home," he ordered, and I shook my head.

"No, Negan, I don't want to-"

"I don't give a damn what you want, Lou!" He shouted, "You're going home. Your head's not right," he explained.

"Being alone with a random Savior isn't going to screw it back on," I hissed through my teeth, turning to the man he'd stopped, "Lay a finger on me and I will cut chunks out of you with a dull rusty spoon," I warned, storming off in the direction of the trucks, knowing the one they were still loading up wasn't going to be the one he'd take me in.

We walked in silence to the truck before he stopped at one, hitting it twice to indicate that would be the one we took before he headed to the drivers side. I'd only been walking with the man for a few minutes and I already wanted to beat the shit out of him.