Darkness and Everything in Between

Again

I woke up groggy and with a pounding headache, and I groaned knowing that the rest of my day was probably going to involve a toilet and a lot of Advil.

I rolled on my side and saw two pills and a glass of water that sat on top of a note with distinct handwriting. I quickly downed the pills and water and read the note. "Kat," it read. "When you wake up, give me a call. I would love to know why you didn't come home with Alacia last night."

It was a little odd that Ashton was worried why I hadn't gone with Alacia last night. Curiosity got the best of me, and I called him anyway.

"Who is this?" said a female voice on the other end.

"Uh, is this Ashton's phone?" I asked timidly hoping it wasn't his girlfriend.

"Jenny give me back my phone," I heard Ashton's voice call out in the distance. "Oh come on babe, it's no one. I was just having fun," said the female replied. I debated on whether or not I should just hang up when I heard Ashton's voice.

"Hello?"

"Oh, hey Ashton. I hope I didn't make your girlfriend angry or anything. I can call back later or something," I said quickly scolding myself for calling in the first place.

Much to my surprise he laughed saying," That wasn't my girlfriend, that was my sister. She thought you were uh-. She was just having fun that's all," he paused and continued. "Well was there something that you wanted to talk about or...?"

"Oh right. Well I saw the note you left on my drawer last night and decided-even though it was a bit out of the ordinary to say the least- I would give you a call." There was silence on the other end and checked to see if the call had disconnected, but it hadn't. "Ashton?"

"Uh yeah still here, but um I think you're mistaken. I didn't leave a note, or anything, last night," he said slowly. I frowned, confused at his revelation. I slowly came to the realization that it was most likely my mother that had left the damned note on my bedside table. "Why would you think that I had left it?" asked Ashton from the other side of the line, and that was a good question. Why would I have thought it was him?

"I-I don't know. I just assumed since you were the one that had taken me home, that maybe it was-," I said timidly. Why was it that Ashton was the first person I thought of that would've left the note? "Look I think I'm just going to hang up. Sorry for this."

"Wait Ka-," he started, but I hung up quickly before I could be embarrassed further.

I take a breath, and once I'm convinced that I won't punch myself in the face for being so stupid, I dial my mom's number.

"Katarina?"

"Hey Mom, I found your note," I said more of as a question.

"Ah yes. Some boy came to drop you off last night. I just can't believe you-," I heard her take a deep breath. "This wouldn't have happened before," she says, trying again.

"I couldn't find Alacia, and he offered to take me home. It was getting late, and I didn't want you to worry," I said. At least it wasn't a complete lie. She didn't say anything, so I knew she had to be pretty upset.

"Okay, but next time call alright?"

"Alright, no problem. Love you Mom."

"Love you too, Katarina." I quickly hung up, and got up to get some breakfast.

I headed down the stairs and into the kitchen to find Celio had already cooked. Weird. I called out, but heard no reply. Must've gone out. Again. I thought. I checked the time, and saw it was 11am.

After grabbing something to eat, I went back upstairs to get changed. I needed to get out of here. I grabbed my bag and headed out the door. "Shit." I had forgotten my keys. I turned back to open the door again, but the handle didn't hold the same weathered bronze that it usually does. I look up, and I feel my heart drop.

I see a shadow pass by behind the glass door, and suddenly it opens. It's Alacia's Mom.

"Hello there Kat. I didn't know you were coming, but come on in," she says in a sweet tone. I can barely find my voice, so I just shake my head. "Kat? Is everything alright? You look like you've just seen a ghost sweetie."

"I, uh. I-I just remembered I, uh... I have to go. Sorry," I manage to say before I stumble off her front porch. I think I hear her call after me, but I can't be sure.

I don't see my car parked in the driveway, so how in the hell did I get here?

I walk for a bit, and try to calm myself. I try to see if I remember the crack in the sidewalk, or the tree that has a big hole in the middle, or even if it was sunny when I left the house this morning- because it seems like it's going to rain now- but I can't. I can't. I think it has begun to rain when I feel something wet hit my cheeks, but I realize I had started crying. I start walking faster, afraid that someone will see me and think I belong in the psych ward.

I don't want to think about all the confusion in my head, so I decide to count the seconds it takes me to get home instead. I make it to 840 when I hear a car honk. I turn around, and I see Celio pulling up next to me.

"I thought I recognized your bag. What are you doing out here? It's gonna start raining," he said, looking up at me.

"I just felt like walking," I lie. "Take me home?" I really just wanted to head back home relax.

"Yeah, of course. Hop in." He seems to know something's wrong, but he doesn't push it which I am thoroughly thankful for.

"So where did you go this morning?" I ask in an attempt to break the silence.

"Nowhere," he replies, but the words are rushed. I decide not to push it, and he seems to let out a breath.

The rest of the car ride is silent- not that I mind. He pulls up to our house, and my mom's car is already in the driveway. I look at the clock on the dashboard, and realize it's 2 in the afternoon. Wow I must've lost more time than I thought. I sigh, suddenly drained, and get out the car. I go in and head straight for my bedroom. It seems like I've been here all day seeing as I can't ever remember leaving in the first place. I remember that I had left my keys inside when I left, but they're not in my drawer, when I go to look. I open my bag, and dump my contents on my bed, and sure enough there they are.

I sweep my arms across my bed, sending everything crashing to the floor. I sit on the edge of my bed taking deep breaths. "What's happening to me?" I ask quietly. Only no one answers leaving my thoughts to torture me further.

I climb under the sheets, begging for sleep to take me mercifully.