The Peculiar Alchemist

61 || Secrets Don't Matter

Everything was so fuzzy sometimes, but maybe it was because Aubrey was so adamant on pretending that there was nothing to it. Sometimes he experiences lapses in his judgment and things just happen, but it happened a few times too many.

At some point he did give up on pretending, and then he'd go back to half-heartedly doing it again. Denying everything he's feeling even though it was obvious, but really, he wouldn't have even considered anything with Kellen. It was just not the smart thing to do, especially not when they were so different. They're just not a good match – that's what his rational part of him kept telling him.

And things just kept getting worse and worse the more time Aurbey spent with him. There was barely a single redeemable quality about Kellen, and the more secrets Aubrey uncovered, the worst it got. Putting the crimes he commits aside, he wasn't even human. His view on things is beyond warped, but it's not like Aubrey could blame him for that. Nothing about his life was normal.

Still, his past didn't excuse anything. The fact still remains that he wouldn't be someone Aubrey would want to be in a relationship with. There were so many better options, so many wiser choices, and everything should end before it starts.

It really should.

But then they'd find themselves alone together since Agnes never stays in one place, and Sammy would be too busy stalking his object of affection to bother with them, and things just happen. They just do. It's usually Kellen who starts it, he's the one who is mostly to blame, and he'd drag Aubrey to places that are dark and unpleasant, or places where they shouldn't be. This alone should tell anyone to run away and never follow Kellen anywhere, but when did Aubrey even listen to reason around Kellen?

Those thoughts often resurfaced whenever he'd find the fogginess of a passionate moment slowly dissipate, and slight regret would set in because he'd feel like he's just leading on something that wouldn't last. Ending it would be wise, very wise. Especially with all the deceit, all the secrets. Nobody should ever be with someone with so many secrets.

Today is the day, he told himself. It was just a mistake. People make mistakes all the time, it is okay to be attracted to people and not think clearly around them, it happens.

And mistakes repeat themselves, too.

It happens.

There was no good explanation as to why he was out of breath getting kissed against a tree, things really just kept happening. There was also a huge contradiction to his earlier intentions when all he did was cling to Kellen who was the one taking his breath away with kisses. It made him forget every rational reason he had for wanting to end this. Are his actions contradicting his thoughts, or are they following his real ones?

That was something to wonder about later when he kissed Kellen back pushing any other thoughts away, burying them deep into his mind as he did so. There was nothing to deny anymore, no excuses or explanations he could hide behind. It was all out in the open now, especially with how much his heart was racing.

Especially when he felt hands feel him up under his shirt, going upwards and spreading their warm touch all over Aubrey's back. That wasn't the first time, won't be the last time, and they went much further than that already, but every little thing still makes him feel so much. There was no fighting this, his feelings were spilling all over the place and he was helpless to stop it.

A kiss or two wouldn't have hurt, but he blinked and it went beyond that.

They needed to talk about it, and somehow he still had enough control to actually stop it and push Kellen away before anything went further. A decision was made in Aubrey's head, he was sick of the reluctance, sick of it all.