If It Is Useless To Resist (On-going)

4: Thinking And Overthinking.

Jason GRAYSON

Left staring at my best friend's back, guilt slammed in waves. For the hundredth time, I regretted finding out Viviane's well-hidden secret. Contrary to what Max thinks, when I realized what Viv had done, it was already too late. I happened to be called for an emergency operation in a different hospital and ended up spending over nineteen hours on standby. Something I hadn't told Max or Viv. And that's how I bumped into her. She, too, was shocked to see just as I was. At first, I was concerned, wondering why Max hadn't told me she was sick or why he wasn't accompanying her. Knowing how protective he is, I found the situation kind of fishy. Viv brushed it aside saying that she had just come in for a regular check-up, but it didn't make sense as she is a renowned member of Silla private hospital, where I normally work.

I didn't pry too much, but immediately she left, I was able to drill the truth out of one of the doctors. You can imagine my shock when I realized she was pregnant. And then anger hit after I found out she had just been infected with carboprost to kill the fetus. Of course, I confronted her and didn't sugarcoat shit. I felt Max should have at least known, being the father and all. And like always, she made a compelling argument that telling my best friend now that the dice had already been cast would only hurt him. And break him. I was determined to take her secret to the grave if it meant sparing Max from the pain I knew he would feel at Viv's selfish action.

Trust me when I say this. Max wouldn't have forced her to do something she didn't want.  He would have been disappointed, for sure, but he would have respected her wish. She is, after all, the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Now, looking back at everything, I wonder if that's still possible. Should I have made a different choice?

“She is out of the surgery, Doc.” Turning to face the nurse, I saw pity all over his face. He had heard the nasty argument between me and Max, and I am sure he wouldn't want to be me right now. 

“I will see her.”

I knew she was probably still under morphine, and I didn't mind waiting by her bedside. When I count my friends, Viv is one of them. I just hate that my nosy ass got me in such a shitty situation. In as much as I want to blame her, I can't. Perhaps she kept it from me, so I didn't end up in a similar situation I am in. “Is she stable?” I asked the nurse who was adjusting her oxygen mask. What should have been an easy procedure had some complications which had her sent to the operating room to remove the remnants of her failed abortion.

“She is, luckily she didn't suffer any permanent damage. But it will take a while for her to wake.” I took that as a way of him saying she could get pregnant if she wanted.

“I have all the time.” It's a time like these that I wish I could be called for a lengthy operation and lose myself in it. But with my luck, I have to stare at my best friend's fiancé who looks like an angel sleeping, and overthink of what I could have done differently. I can't really tell how long I sat there beating myself up over what could have been before Viv's groggy voice shook me from my reverie. “Hey,” all my anger disappeared and at that instant, all I wanted was to make sure she was okay. Sadly, it wasn't long before she asked what happened and why she was bedridden. The only thing she remembers was having intense pain in her abdomen and being rushed to the hospital. I filled her up on how I got called about her complications as the staff knew she was close to me, but not before they called Max. Hearing that her fiancé knows of her crime, Viv flinched.

“He must hate me so much.” She cried. Regret clouded her beautiful orbs. “Is he here?” I shook my head sadly.

“He can't stand the sight of us,” I muttered painfully. I told her all about Max's reaction once he found out I knew and kept her secret.

“I am so sorry…” She began sobbing and it broke my heart. It wasn't me she should be saying those words to. Sadly, I don't think Max is yet ready to see her. Or even me.

“You are not to blame.” I countered.

“But I made you keep a secret from him. Something you have never done before.” It's true. Between Max and me, there were no secrets. But that doesn't mean Viv forced me into anything. It was a decision to shield my friend from the pain, but ended up hurting him more instead. A dreadful silence engulfed us.

“Please go be with him.” She broke the silence, pleading. I shook my head stubbornly. If it were easy, I would be with him now. But having known Max for so long, I better let him cool off first, otherwise something we can't ever come back from might happen in a fit of fury. An angry Max is someone you should avoid at all costs. He rarely gets mad, and I guess that's why he does, it tends to blow badly. Many are the times I have had to remind him that he wouldn't do well in prison. I reminded Viv just that, but she argued, “He is so hurt and alone right now. That's a terrible combination. And no matter how angry he is, you are one person he can't live without. You are his best mate, dammit!” She attempted to sit, but I was quick to push her down onto the bed. I hate to admit it, but she had a point. Max and I have been through so much for me to just cower away, afraid of his wrath. So, what if I have never been on the receiving end of his wrath? He, too, has never been betrayed by his best friend.

“I will be back," I promised Viv getting on my feet, probably heading to my death.