A Tourist in Mayberry

1/5) From My Diary Journal: My Mom, Candi

In tribute to my mom here is an epigraph she would love:

From Radio Preacher Jonah Turner: "No matter what mistakes you've made, the rest of your life is still ahead of you. Get on with it."

My mom named me Daisy because it was the name of an MTV video DJ from the '80's she admired and whose life she planned on emulating one day. Also, a daisy was my mom's favorite flower for a couple of reasons. One, she would never like a froufrou flower like a rose or an orchid because she is not complicated. She likes simple things. Two, she is quite old-fashioned and sentimental and corny, and the name Daisy is all those things. My mom brought me home from the hospital in the same outfit my Nana Gail put her in 20 years before. My Nana Gail is sentimental too, but she is tough and this is where my mom gets her toughness from, though she got a little more mouth than toughness. Being tough does not come naturally to my mom, though she does talk a good game.

My mom is human and has her flaws. She is stubborn, so stubborn my Nana says when she was my age she walked seven miles one time carrying a bucket of strawberries because she was mad at her sister and wanted to ride in the front seat. When she didn't get her way, she started walking down the highway lugging a bucket of strawberries. I get my stubbornness from my mom.

My mom is religious, but she does not go to church. Instead we listen to Jonah Turner the preacher at the First Baptist Church in Pilot on WPAQ early Sunday morning. My mom likes his teeth and the way his blue eyes twinkle when he smiles. How do you know he has blue eyes and a pretty smile I asked once, and she said for me to listen close and I could see them too. So that's the way I try to picture him too. She likes what Preacher Turner has to say, which is what she says is universally what people need and want to hear:

We are all in this together. Heal thyself. Love thyself. Love your neighbors. Take the high road. Be a peacemaker. Don't look back. United we can. Dream and dream big. God wants to answer your prayers.

People like to listen to Jonah Turner because he tells us what we really already know:

     First: Get your ass off that couch.

     Next: Let it go and move on.

     Then: Go get what you deserve.

     Last: Praise the Lord!

Jonah's word is God's word delivered by a man with a pretty smile and good teeth.

My mom believes in God's word and that cleanliness is next to godliness. My mom is a clean fanatic and an organizer. She is not what people call OCD, but she cleans like she is going to wipe the nastiness out of life and make order in the world, as if a dozen Clorox wipes on Saturday morning could suddenly erase the horror of the night before. Some people hoard canned food, water, and batteries for the coming nuclear or zombie apocalypse or a viral outbreak threatening mankind. My mom hoards cleaning supplies. If Armageddon comes in a filthy, moldy, germ-infested cataclysm, my mom is ready. I don't know what we will eat or drink or how we will make a call, stay warm, or get medical attention, but we will be pristine survivors who smell like honeysuckle or buttercream frosting, her favorite scents.

My Mom is also the luckiest, but unluckiest person on earth. You know, she wins on a lottery ticket, but it is 3 dollars or a free ticket. Just lucky enough. It is like she only wins what she thinks she deserves.

My mom is opinionated. So opinionated her old boss once introduced her at a big meeting as, "This is Candi. She is very opinionated."

It hurt her feelings at the time and embarrassed her, but she said after she thought about it, she considered it a compliment because mostly her opinions were about taking up for someone else wronged, though she seldom gives herself the same courtesy. "Besides," she said, "In my opinion, it is stupid for people to have their self-worth determined by their job. It is what I do, not who I am."