MADHOUSE || PJM

#51

a few days later..

i've had to wait for a few days for y/n to finally be able to look at my face again, to speak with me without stuttering or running away after what happened between us.

"i need you to come with me."

y/n joins her eyebrows seeing me offer her some ice cream.
"ice cream?"

"just come."

we walk further out of the backyard, to some trees where u built o pair of swings these days.

she looks confused, licking her ice cream.
"what is this? ice cream and swings? aren't you too big for this?"

i smile widely.
"just sit down."
i do, and she sits next to me, her free hand caressing the rope beside her, her expression growing more confused.

"you're creating the place and the moment as best you can, and that can help her remember."
yoongi pauses, but quickly continues.
"but if she does, she might also remember everything about her parents. are you willing to destroy everything we've done so that she doesn't have to deal with this?"

i nod.
"living in ignorance is not living. she's not going to get over something she doesn't remember. also, she's stronger than you think, don't underestimate her."

i remembered that talk with yoongi before building this whole thing up. i stare at her, the feeling of familiarity overwhelming me.

"raise your feet, imagine that the swing-"

"is a spaceship and you can fly anywhere you want."
she finishes for me, her hands shaking.
"i.. don't know why i said that.."

"yes you do."
i reassure her, extending my hand to take hers which is still trembling.

y/n's pov

my head is throbbing, my chest is tightening.
"jimin.."

"it's okay, y/n.. breathe."
he squeezes my hand, trying to comfort me.

the ice cream, the swings, his soft hand, his comforting voice, his sad smile.. incoherent fragments start filling my mind.

"where will we go today?"
the boy with dark eyes asked me as we held hands, swinging back and forth on our favorite swings.

"should we go to japan?"

he growled.
"when are we going to the us? i want to see where you live."

"you're not missing anything."

i hold my chest tightly, the memories overwhelming me.

"close your eyes."
he says softly, with a rather nervous tone.

"why?"

"just close them."

i closed my eyes as he said.
"okay, now wh-"

i felt his lips press against mine in a very quick kiss, interrupting me. i immediately opened my eyes, seeing him smiling shyly and my cheeks blushing bright red.

i turned around and ran away like crazy, completely embarrassed.

my first kiss..

i hold my head, the pain increasing.

"i would do anything for you."
he said seriously, looking into my eyes.

"would you kill for me?"
i asked and he didn't doubt for a second.
"yes."

thick tears fall down my cheeks, and i close my eyes tight.

"ah!"
he flinched as i cleaned the wound on his chin and the cut on his lip with the first aid kit i stole from my grandparents.

"it burns, stop."
he whines.

"hold on."
i quickly finished, and as i placed everything back in the kit i could feel his eyes on me.
"i wasn't joking when i said it."

"what are you talking about?"

"i will kill him if you ask me to."

i smile.
"i'll be fine, just worry about yourself and don't make anyone angry at the orphanage."

who did he want to kill?
"dad, stop, please!"

disgusting memories invade my mind, causing me nauseas.
"dad, please don't.."

no, no, no.
"oh.. gosh.."

it hurts. it feels as if parts of my head would be breaking into pieces, and falling back on their right places.

what are all these memories?

what i lived.

my own voice speaks inside my head.

calm down, breathe.

strong arms hold me tight as my whole body becomes numb, and without being able to hold anymore, i pass out.

-

"i know you think i saved your life that day on the rooftop, but really, you saved mine."

i open my eyes slowly, the sun setting behind the mountains giving the room beautiful orange tones.

the first thing i see is jimin sleeping next to me, looking so vulnerable, his black eyelashes giving an innocent appearance to his fierce eyes, his hair messy all over the pillow.

i turn to lay on my back when i see yoongi sitting on the little couch in the room, with his eyes closed and taehyung next to him resting his head on his shoulder, both sleeping calmly.

my head hurts, tears threatening to fall down my eyes but i hold them in.
i finally remember, i..

i killed my parents.
it was me.

i hold my chest, trying not to hyperventilating when a warm hand is being placed over mine.

i look to the side where i find jimin with his eyes open, staring at me.
"y/n, it's okay.. relax."
he caresses my hair gently.
"you're not alone."

his voice, his caresses, his eyes start calming me down.

i've hated them, i've blamed them so many times, but they are not my killers. they've been my saviors all along.

they allowed me to think the worst of them during all this time, only so that i wouldn't have to deal with the weight of my memories.

but surviving isn't enough, i want to live and i can only live if i know the truth.
and the truth is liberating.

i get lost in jimin's eyes, in his calm expression and in his soft smile.
"i'm sorry, i.."

he places a finger on my lips.
"it's okay."
he gives me a beautiful smile and still holding his hand, i kiss him.

he responds immediately, his lips moving with mine softly but desperate, feeling how much we've been longing to kiss each other again.

his hand moves up and down my back as he bites my lower lip softly, before moving down my jaw and leaving playful kisses all over.

that tickles me and i move back, letting out a soft laugh, meeting his sparkling eyes.
"sorry, i get too excited."

he leaves one last gentle kiss on my lips before turning me around and hugging me from behind, bringing my back to his chest.
"let's keep sleeping, you need to rest well."

i feel my heart filling with an overwhelming happiness as my eyes find yoongi and taehyung again, still passed out on the couch.

a smile lifts my lips.
my three saviors, my three dark knights.