Here I am! Alone in my room, trying to sleep. It's just so hard to close my eyes and sleep. My mind is a mess. All kind of thoughts are running thought my head.
Usually I sleep while huging my pillow but my dad 'stole' it. I feel so lonely without it. It feels like I have a huge hole in my chest. I'm drowning in my dark thoughts.
In another room my mom speaking or arguing with somewone. Our house it's really loud. I like staying alone, but at the same time I don't want to be alone.
My head hurts! Hurts so much that if I had a gun I would shoot my brain out. My head is so fucking loud! PLEASE GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD!.............My head is a really dark place....
I find it funny how nobody know how I feel or why I feel this way. Actually I think they don't even care. Because I'm constantly trying to communicate something incommunicable, to explain something inexplicable, to tell about something I only feel in my bones and which can only be experienced in those bones.
My mom entered in the room and kissed me. I didn't feel enythink at all. It's sad when all you can feel is sadness and dispair. She left. Suddenly something warm slips on my face. My tears started to fall uncontrollably. It's refreshing. It cleared my mind,but I still couldn't sleep.
I wonder if I have to spend all my life resisting the desire to end it. I want to die! I want to die more than ever before. There is no chance of a recovery.
