If It Is Useless To Resist (On-going)

5: Chaos Or Confusion?

Maxwell Evans

Not even the strongest whiskey could get rid of this gut-wrenching pain shattering my heart. Viv's betrayal hurt. But not more like Jason's. Why the hell did she have to include him in her deception? My best friend. The guy I would go to hell and back for. Someone that I treasure more than anyone in this world. The one person I keep nothing from. I doubt there is any kind of explanation he would give to make me forgive him. Drowning my glass, I opted refilling it, but chugging from the bottle seemed like a better option. The TV was on, but I couldn't even tell what it was airing, for my mind was jumbled in all kinds of ways. Why am I not getting drunk? I wondered, eying the bottle, which was almost halfway gone. All I needed was to drown my sorrows and forget. Even if it's just for a night. What I didn't expect, was for Jason to show up now that I don't have the urge to see him. When I heard the front door unlock, it was obvious who it was.

“What are you doing here?” I shouted even before he came into view. I got no response, but I already caught a whiff of his cologne. “I would rather not see you, let alone talk to you.” Of course, my bellowing won't scare him away, but I had to try.

“I am not leaving until you hear me out.” I raised my head and our gaze crashed. His sheepish, guilty facade wasn't fooling me. He, more than anyone, knows how much I hate lies. So, what if Viv was pregnant and didn't want to keep it? I would have supported her decision, though it would be painful. Something Jason and her should have known before they decided to leave me clueless like an idiot.

“After everything we have been through.” I chuckled bitterly, taking another gulp of my bitter liquid.

“Max…”

“Don't!”

“I swear, I didn't know until it was too late.”

“You shouldn't have kept it from me nonetheless.” That shut him. He eyed me like he was debating whether to blurt out something or not. An expression I knew too well. And unlike other times when I would have coaxed him, I held my silence, scowling.

“I didn't want to see you hurt.” He mumbled lamely.

“A little too late for that now, don't you think?” My lips curled in a sour smile.

“What would you have done, were you in my shoes?” He growled, his irritation obvious. “Would you tell your best mate that the woman he loves and intends to spend his life with just killed their child?” His earnest question threw me off for a second. “I know you wanted so badly to start a family with her. But while you were busy trying to get ways to incorporate all that in her lifestyle, she was …” he trailed off with a frustrated sigh.

“When did you exactly find out?” I asked quietly. Instead of answering, he took a seat beside me, grabbed my bottle, and chugged a sizable amount before turning to face me.

“Do you remember the emergency surgery I told you I had been called to do?” I nodded, wondering what it had to do with anything. As it turns out, that's when Jason bumped into Viv. She was smart enough to go to a hospital that's a bit far from where we live, but as fate would have it, that of all days Jason had been called to fill in. Though she lied about what it was she was doing there, he eventually found out the truth, but the deed had already been done. She had already killed the fetus. Still, he should have told me.

“I should have told you.” He whispered as if he were reading my mind. “But I knew you would be so hurt, and I swear all wanted was to spare you from the pain.” I wasn't stupid not to know his intentions. Truth is, I too would do anything to shield him from whatever pain if I can help it. And despite me acknowledging that, my anger didn't subside. I felt really stupid when the nurse told me that my fiancé had complications due to abortion, yet I didn't have the slightest clue she was pregnant. “I know apologizing won't repair the broken trust between us. But can you honestly say you would have confessed such heartbreaking news to me were the roles reversed?” I gulped. Truthfully, I'm not certain. So I kept quiet. And Jason took that like I wasn't ready I forgive him, which is true. But that doesn't mean I wanted him gone. He and Viv did this to me. And if I have to wallow in my miseries, he should do that with me. So, when he got up attempting to get out of my air, my anger skyrocketed.

“Sit your fucking ass down.” Why now? He has never been the one to back down before. Heaven knows I have never successfully gotten rid of Jason Grayson, for he is like a tick when it comes to me. Now, seeing him so wretched, my pain pales in comparison. I know for a fact that I trust him with my life. It must have been hard for him to keep such a grave secret. No wonder he chose to ghost me. How can I fault him for attempting to keep me from hurting when I would do the same without a second thought?

“I know I am the last person you want to …”

“Shut the fuck up and drink.” I tossed the now almost empty bottle to him and he gulped. He, too, wanted to get drunk, for it was the only way we can truly stand each other at that moment. It took us a few bottles and four hours to reach that peak we had been desperately chasing. We found ourselves talking more about the matter and contrary to what many may think, I will remember the whole conversation come tomorrow. Jason is a different case, though. The idiot can barely remember what happened a week ago with a sober head, it's a wonder he is such a brilliant surgeon.

“Will you ever forgive me, Max?” He whispered, tugging at my arm. As usual, I was better at handling my alcohol compared. “I promise I was only thinking of you.”

“I know.”

“I don't want to lose my best friend.”

“That will never happen.” I assured. Yes, I was still hurting and angry. But Jason is one person I can't imagine living a life without. He makes my life better. And one mistake doesn't change that. “You are like a brother to me, and no matter what happens, family fights for each other.”

“Don't say that!” Jason snapped, surprising me. What's wrong with what I have just said?

“Are you okay?”

He nodded, averting his gaze, but not before I saw the anger simmering in them. When did the tables turn? Seems now like I am at the receiving end of his fury.

“Jason?”

“Mmm…”

“Look at me," I demanded, but he shook his head stubbornly. “Please…" I was practically begging. When those beautiful aquamarine eyes caught my gaze, something shifted in my heart. For some reason, my eyes dropped to his lips, and suddenly all the memories of our new year's kiss slammed right back in. And before I could stop myself, I scooted closer, grabbed his face in my palms and smashed my lips against his with one thought in mind. I need another taste.