Sins

Chapter Four; Guilty.

Chapter four.

A numbness was over coming me. I stepped out of the apartment complex. I wanted to mourn, I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream.. But what would that get me? Nothing. So there really was no point. I unlocked my car. I started the car and it turned over. I sighed heavily. My hands were shaking. What was happening to me?.. Why...?! I closed my eyes, and opened them. Alex, calm.. We need to get out of here. So I started driving. I didn't know where, but I needed to go. To get away from whatever this.. Was. I kept driving. My eyes on the road. The silence of my mind, swirling around me. I carefully inhaled and exhaled, because I felt as I couldn't breathe. My heart was about to burst. I tried to look on the bright side. "Well at least it's day outside, instead of the dark sticky, night." It wasn't working. I felt unbelievably guilty that I couldn't save my mother. I felt guilty that something ,.. Or someone was after me. And I don't know who, or what. I do not know what to do. Or where to go..

My mom didn't like me going around with my grandma or grandpa, same with my uncles and aunts,. Cousins. So on. My mind seemed to wander as to what happen to Paul, my dad. Was something after him as well? Is he...? I swallowed hard, scared. Dead? My mind was a tornado. Questions, going around and around, in my head. Why me? Why my mom? Why is this happening? Why would God do such a thing? Is this punishment for my sins? Is this karma? What kind of justice is this!? My eyes started to water uncontrollably.

The car stalled, and turned off. "Are you freaking KIDDING ME!" I got out of the car. I opened the hood. I don't know a thing about mechanics. "Shit." I was on side of the road, on the free way. Cars passed me by. "This must be my lucky day." I said sarcastically. I ran my fingers through my hair. I went to grab my phone. I dialed 9-1-1. Dial tone. No service. I sighed exasperated. My moms dead, my car isn't working, and I can't call for help. "This is just, great. It's freaking, fantastic!" I kicked the car. Pain erupted through my foot. "Owe! That wasn't a good idea, Alex." I said to myself, as I sighed again and leaned on the side of the car, looking at my phone trying to get some kind of service.

A pick up truck came to a stop right a head of me. I furrowed my brow. Great, so this is when I get killed by an axe murderer who helped me with my car, and i decide to follow him back to his house, where he keeps jars of eyes. I mentally slapped myself. A man stepped out of the pick up and headed towards me. Surprised, I looked him up and down. He was wearing a red plaid shirt, and blue jeans with simple sneakers. He had dark brown hair, that curled at the tips and unbelievably bright green eyes. "I couldn't help but noticed you were stranded on the road." He said. "Yeah, i don't know a thing about machenics. and my cell phone,.. doesnt have any service." I said, now noticing my hair was a mess, and my eyes were red from crying. Great, so a hot guy shows up to my rescue, and i look like roadkill. I half snorted at myself. "Well, let me get a couple things from my truck". He said walking back, as he did so, i checked out his ass. It looked firm. I chuckled and looked at myself in the mirror, wiping my eyes. He came back, setting his tool kit on the ground next to my honda. He offered his hand. "I'm John." I shook it. "Alex." Our eyes locked, my eyes traveled to his lips, they were a soft pink. And mine were chapped.

He went to work on the car, opening the hood. I was standing next to him. "You know you don't have to do this, I could just wait..." I said. He laughed. "I'm not going to leave a yound woman out here all alone, for other creeps to get her." I smiled. "How do I know your not a creep?" I asked. He chuckled, getting his hands dirty in grease. "Smart. Because I'm handsom?" He said. I laughed. "But, the cute ones are always the crazy ones." He wiped a sprinkle of sweat from his forehead, getting grease on his forehead. He stood up straight. "Try starting it." So I went over, and I did as he said. But nothing happened. I sighed. I got out and shaked my head no. I watched him sigh as well. "It looks like your car needs to go a shop. I can give you a ride, and hook your car on to mine." I yawned. It looked like I didn't really have a choice.

"Alright." So we hooked my car to his, and I got in his car, my stuff in the back. I kept repeating to myself; It's alright, Alex. He got in and started it. I put my seat belt on. I could see his muscles through his shirt, contracting. He caught me staring, and immediantly I looked away, blushing. My head was still a jumbled mess. So we drove. "Where are you headed, Alex?" He asked. I shrugged. "Anywhere." I said simply. "How come? If you don't mind." A sudden guilt passed through me again. Could I tell him? A complete stranger? Who doesn't know me? Would he believe me?.. "Listen John, just drop me off to the next town. I don't want to be a burden.." I said. It was around 5 o clock, and i was starting to get hungry. "Well, that happens to work perfectly, because were almost to Woodston, where I live as well. I just want to make sure, you'll be okay." He was so nice. Unlike people from where I was from. "You hungry? We're almost there, and I know a great pancake house that serve dinner as well." I smiled. "I would like that very much." About twenty minutes passed, and we were in Woodston, and he drove first to drop off my car. Then, we drove to Deena's. We got out and went inside. A waitress who was a bit over weight, with brown hair. I read her name tag; Deena. She was wearing a yellow uniform with white apron. "Table for two" John said, smiling. We sat in a boothe, I stared out the window. She handed us two menus and went off her way. I opened it. My mouth watered. I could see John looking at me, from across the table. I looked up.

"I'll have the Country fried Omelate, no toast, and could I have some water?" I said. "Sure thing, sweetie. How about you young man?" She looked over at John. "Coffee, cream, toast and eggs, sunny side up." She nodded and took our menus. She came back with our drinks, and thirsty, I chugged mine. John raised his eyebrows. I sheepishly looked down. "So, how come you got stranded?" He asked. "My car stalled and I had no service." I said. "Where were you headed?" He asked again. "I honestly don't know, I just needed to leave." His eyes searched mine, it was nice to be somewhat normal, and eat, with out interruption. "Where are you from?" He asked. "Illinois." He chuckled. "Long way from home?" "It's good to be gone." I said. My eyes went up and down his face, those surprisingly bright green eyes, his what I would suspect, smooth skin, and his plush pink lips.

What was I doing? Day dreaming about kissing him.. Wondering what his lips felt against my skin.. A total stranger.. Yet it felt dangerous, like it was forbidden. I've had boyfriends before but they never seemed to work out for me. Cheated on? One-night stand? I've been through the ass holes who think they can walk all over girls. Trust me, I feel like their isn't anyone out there for me, just a bunch of shells instead of a pearl. I had given up boyfriends for a while now. But I wasn't considering this stranger as a boyfriend, just maybe some one that I can go to. I came back down to earth, and our food was here. The omelets aroma filled me. I started eating, carefully not to be a complete pig in front of John. He buttered his toast, looking me straight in the eye while eating. "So you live in this town?" I asked making small talk. "Yeah, lived here my whole life. Many family generations, I love this small town." He said smiling. His teeth were a pearl white. I ate my omelette. "How old are you?" He asked. "I just turned 18 today, what about you?" "I'm 24 years old." He said. "You are? You don't look a day over 21." I sad teasingly. He chuckled. "Well, happy birthday Alex." He scratched his head. I continued eating my omelette, trying to make subtle glances at him, but each time he caught me. I finished my omelette. I pulled out my wallet to pay for my dish. "What are you doing?" He asked when I pulled out a ten. "I'm paying for my dinner.." I said. "No, sweetie, the gentleman pays." He slid his hand on mine. "Please, Alex. Let me pay." I sighed. "If you insist." I said and he smiled. He put a twenty on the counter, and I put my ten back and then we got up and left.

We drove, to many motels, but each time they were all full. Bummed I sat staring out at the rain. "You can stay at my house if you want." He said. "I don't want to impose on you, any longer.." I said sad. "Really, it's not a problem." "Alright" I said. Why was he being so nice to a stranger? We drove to his house, but it was more like a cabin. Wood house.. It was beautiful even the rain seemed to glimmer off of it. I got out of the car, and he seemed to grab my things before I could. We went up to the cabin. He unlocked the door.

I really hope he wasn't some psychopathic killer.

We went inside. "Guest room is down the hall." I found it quickly. The room was an alright size, had its own bathroom, and a nice quilt. I put my stuff down on the bed. I looked up and went out to John's living room. "The garage will call you when they're done". "Alright thank you. So much." I was so thankful. He put his hand on my arm, there was a definite attraction. I stared at him, our eyes, going up and down each others bodies.

"I'm sorry.." He said. "No I'm sorry. There's been so much going on in my head, and outside of it.. It's not you. I'm just messed up." I went to the guest room and sat down, guilt overwhelming me.