Caught Between Two Worlds [ON-GOING]

Simula

Simula
Delaney Arisse St. Pierre

It was already dark by the time I got home. Staring straight ahead, I squared my shoulders, sighed, and blinked my eyes heavily, my footfalls faltering.

The streetlights casted a soft glow on our apartment building and I couldn’t help but smirk bitterly at the sight. There was not enough light, paandap-andap ang kulay dilaw na ilaw sa hindi kalayuang poste, but still bright enough to see clearly the dirty and disgusting brown walls of our ugly apartment building. And it did not stop there, the entire place also reeked suffocating smell of dead rats, urine, trash, anxiety, stress, depression, and bullshit—all making my stomach to gag.

Muli akong napangiti nang mapait.

How many years it had been, anyway?

One.

Two.

Three.

Three years. I had been here three freaking years!

Paano ko nasikmurang tumira sa ganito?

Paano ako nakatagal dito?

If this was before, surely by now, my feet couldn’t wait to go home, my arms could no longer wait to embrace the man that was waiting for me without actually caring about how ugly and filthy our apartment building was. Maybe, I wouldn’t even also notice the nasty smell of our surroundings and our poor and unpleasant neighborhood. Kasi ang mahalaga naman talaga ay ‘yong taong uuwian ko, ‘yong lalaking hindi na ako makapaghintay pa na makita at siguradong naghihintay na sa pag-uwi ko.

But everything seemed different today. Because for the first time in three years, I wasn’t thrilled by the idea of going home here, of going home to him, especially after being showered with humiliation in front of so many people… by my own flesh and blood… by my own family.

Sa mabibigat na mga binti at habang bitbit ang malaking tanong sa isipan at dibdib kung tama ba na umuwi pa ako rito, muli kong inihakbang ang aking mga paa, instantly getting more annoyed at the dirty puddle on my way that I still had to jump over with just to get to our apartment building. At kahit saan ako lumingon, pawang putik at basura ang aking nakikita.

“Shit!” I cursed sharply as I looked down the sandals I was wearing and at my feet that were now sunken deep the dirty, horrible-smelling puddle. “Bullshit!” muling mura ko sa sitwasyon.

Could this day get any worse for me?

The chilly night wind blew at my direction, this time, making my nose to scrunch up at the smell of the freaking sinkhole. And God knew what was in it... probably shit.

“Your father is right. You are so pathetic, Delaney! So miserable!” inis na inis na sabi ko at halos sabunutan na ang sarili. “Damn it!”

Mula sa aking mga paa ay tumaas ang tingin ko sa laylayan ng aking damit na natalsikan ng masangsang na putik—itong paborito kong damit na ngayon ay halos sirain at sumpain ko na. This cheap, awful dress started it all! If only I wasn’t wearing this, I wouldn’t be ridiculed and belittled by my so called friends, most especially by my own father and sister.