English isn't my first language. forgive me :)
TW?
I wish you would still me sick...
That sentence made me realize what was actually happening.
They where using me.
It was not because they missed me or liked being friends whit me...they just wanted to use me. The ugly feeling of needing to throw up crawled through my stomach, in my trout and I felt the realization crash where my heart should have bin.
I tried to breath in and out slowly and when I found my voice again I said:
"What you just said was some fucked up shit. I am glad that you are being honest but when you don't want to be here whit me that don't tell me that when we are at the entrance. That fucking hurt me and I don't know if we should keep the contact."
I didn't know how I brought up the strength but it was there and I was gonna use it.
Slap!
The moment they slapped me was the moment I knew -that was the end-.
I looked at them whit a mix of anger and disappointment...
I would have left but we were not alone...their sister was there....and I did not want her to whiteness that. I knew that it was a stupid reason to stay but in that situation I remembered how I felt when my parents used to fight.
So I stayed.
I felt so stupid.
Everyone told me that they where gonna do it again...
Everyone told me that they where just using me...
Everyone told me that I should not fall for it again...
But I did...
I felt miserable.
The next day I send them a text saying that I wanted to break the contact.
I feel so guilty because I feel like I hurt them but then again they used me for tree to fore months...
I opened up to them...
For them I nearly lost my friends...
For them I stayed awake nights searching the internet for things that could help them...
For them I fucked my self up...
And I regret every single moment that I wasted my time for them.
I regret them.
I regret...
I regret...
I regret...
I REGRET!
And that will not change.
Hopefully.
...
