Dear journal,
Today I was sick. Or at least it was my excuse to watch Netflix the whole day without doing anything.
I was afraid to get out when new people came in the house. Why ? Your guess is as good as mine. I could rationalize that I was a bit sweaty and had greasy hair but that has not stopped me before. Plus I would likely not meet these people ever again or they would forget me any way...
I always believed I was above what other thought of me. I act like it in front of others yet I fear seeing them when I m not in the right headspace to meet them. Am i Hypocritical ?
I tell people to be themselves, It shouldn't be hard and yet I coward greasy hair in front of people.
I forgettable, and yet I hate that about me. I don't have any close friend. That's sad no ?
It does not bother me most of the time. As long as I have something to do, I am ok...
Is ok enough ?
When people ask me how I am, I am always fine.. at least... Sometime I am a bit sad because thing did go my way, others a bit happy because they did. But never elated or miserable. At least not in front of people.
How to open up to people ? Get drunk ? At least shame will be postponed to tomorrow...
I wanted to continue by with whom ? But I feel I would end up too sad if I did.
I feel sad now... Maybe even a bit miserable ?
PS : to my future self, this freeflow seems like a good way to understand how I actually think. ^^
Ps bis : I like that emote, I am less miserable now
