CONTENT WARNING; talks of dysphoria, slight mentions of transphobia.
To my lovely non-binary folks and trans besties out there, you're awesome and worth so much love regardless of your gender identity. If you ever experience or are experiencing body dysphoria, please don't ever let it convince you that you're unworthy of living, or that you're not 'normal'. You're so brilliant and I love each and every one of you guys <<3
Please don't read this if any of the above triggers you in any manner that harms your well-being.
summary: You've been experiencing body dysphoria again, wishing you could be more of a "boy" when Loki comes to remind you that you already are one.
You lay on your side on your bed, in your darkened room with the blinds closed. You had covered the mirror on the opposite side of the room with a blanket, hoping that you'd never need to look into it again.
You tried to move your arm, but you were obstructed by the protuberant flesh over your chest. To put it simpler, your boobs troubled you. God, you'd give anything to not have them.
You felt extremely dysphoric. Why did the universe curse you? Did they like seeing you suffer in the wrong body? Why couldn't you just have been born a boy? Like the boy you were?
You didn't ask for any of these things? The boobs, the hips, the weird waist. Why couldn't you have those slutty waists that men have? And those triangular upper bodies? For Norn's sake, why did you have to be stuck in the husk of a human who was so feminine?
You pulled the covers over your head and put on your earphones with your 'depressive' playlist; maybe that would push away the thoughts. You opened Pinterest, and the second you see your favourite celebrity crush, Tom Hiddleston, your eyes immediately drift to his muscular hands, his masculine body and his sharp features.
You didn't just have a crush on him anymore, you wanted to be him; you wanted to be a man, like he is. You hated your body so much, you squeezed your phone in your hands, and cried out of frustration. What did you do wrong?
A knock on your door made your wails silent, and the door creaking open had your eyes closed in hopes that whoever came in would take whatever they needed and go.
"Darling? Are you alright?" Loki.
"I'm fine," you sniffed, "Don't worry about me, you can go do something else."
"You don't sound that fine, love," Loki opened the top of your blanket and saw you curled up into a little ball, your phone by the side of your head and the worst sight of all, you cry.
He pulled a majority of the sheets off your body and wrapped his arms around you and threw the blanket above the two of you. Loki cuddled up close to you, spooning you gently as his arm wrapped your body from over and under. He briefly saw your phone screen and looked concerned, "Is that Tom?"
"Why am I like this, Loki?" you sobbed, "I hate my voice, my body. Why can't I just be a real boy?"
"My dear, you're already a very handsome boy, one that I love very much, and you don't need to have a deep voice or a flat chest or even a penis to be one," Loki reassured you, "You're much more of a man than any cisgender man out there, and you are a man. A real man."
"You mean it?" Loki nodded his head behind you, kissing your back. He slowly turned you around so that you were laying on your back and crawled over your body so he was at your side, his arm draped across your torso, his leg around yours and his head on your chest, mindfully listening to your heartbeat.
"It's ok to feel like this, but don't you ever let these feelings tell you that you're not a real boy. You're the best boyfriend I've ever had, I love him so much and I'd do anything for him. If anyone ever disrespects your pronouns or says that you're not a man, I will personally come and beat the crap out of them."
Loki nudged his nose into your neck, taking in your scent, his favourite smell, "I can't wait to pick up your hormones with you next week. I hope you feel a bit more comfortable with your body then."
"Have I ever told you how much I love you, Loki?' you laughed, turning a bit more on your own, to give his forehead a kiss.
"My best boy," he chuckled.
"My best god," you laughed with him, feeling much better about your body after his reassurance.
"Oh yes," he paused, "Nino made cookies, they're pink! Are you up to eat?"
"Yeah, I think so. Thanks, Loki," you trapped him in a kiss. You smiled a bit, making Loki do the same. He hugged you once again, just to make sure you feel loved, as you deserved.
For once, everything felt perfect.
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nino did actually make cookies today (i definitely did not burn the first batch) with a little help from ambrosia-wine <<3
