WandaWidow - Book 2

Chapter 39 - Test

Three Months Later

"Come love," Natasha pleaded, "Come over here and try to relax."

"I can't," Wanda declined, "I can't settle."

They were finally about to sit and speak with Dr. Helen Cho about their potential fertility. They had set up this meeting to learn more about the process before they made the journey to Seoul for further tests. Natasha hoped that talking it through with Cho like this, in a more informal way, would make Wanda less worried about everything, but it didn't seem to work.

"Today won't decide anything," Natasha reminded her, "Please just come and hold my hand."

Wanda's head snapped towards her wife, "Are you okay?"

"I'm just nervous too."

"I'm sorry," Wanda replied softly, "I didn't even think about how you must be feeling. That was pretty selfish of me."

"Not at all love," Natasha shook her head, "We just get caught up in our own heads sometimes."

Wanda set down the random items she was holding, having picked them up from across the living room and intending to return them to their proper homes. They didn't matter now, and while she wasn't more settled, Natasha needed her and she would give her what she needed.

She moved over and took a seat beside her wife on the couch, pulling one of her hands in both of her own, and holding tightly.

Natasha reached forward with her other hand and swiped her fingers over the trackpad on the laptop to stop the screen from going to sleep. The call was due to start in a few minutes, but she had parked herself in front of the computer for close to an hour. It was as though she was afraid that her timekeeping would have an impact on how it would go.

She had already briefly spoken to Cho. It had been difficult to get a call with the woman herself, especially as Natasha couldn't give away her identity from the get go. Once she did manage to get Cho on the line, she was more willing to reveal her true self, and Cho listened to what she had to say.

Worryingly, she hadn't yet confirmed if she would definitely help them or not. This call today would be a better indicator, but Natasha tried to take it as a good sign that it was even set up in the first place.

She turned to look at her wife, and noticed for the first time how tired she looked.

"Are you okay?" she asked, concerned.

"I'm fine," Wanda replied, "Why?"

"You look a little tired."

"Charming," Wanda laughed.

"No," Natasha smiled, "I just mean did you not have a good sleep?"

Wanda shrugged, "Not really."

"Was it the dream again?"

Wanda nodded.

The dreams, or nightmares, she couldn't decide which, had started a few weeks after the wedding and had been more frequent as time went on.

They began as more of a visual than anything else. Wanda took a while to admit to Natasha that she was having them, but when she did eventually open up she described it as just nothingness. That feeling when you close your eyes and there's nothing but darkness, and no one around. The unsettling part was that she felt the need to leave it, but was unable to, except by forcing herself awake, which wasn't as easy as it sounded.

As the dreams became more intense, she became overwhelmed by how alone she felt. She didn't even have the world around her to provide comfort. She couldn't look for Natasha because there was nowhere to go. There was nothing, and she felt like nothing. Not unworthy, but as though she didn't exist.