Why do you care for me? (KINGDINGS)

Chapter 6

It went without saying that Gaster hadn't noticed Sans being awake. Perhaps the emotions that had been welling inside him had caused him to be too distracted to notice despite his keen sense of the area that surrounds him. Usually, Gaster was very aware of his surroundings. He's able to feel a person's presence and know exactly who's there, what's there. Usually, nobody had the ability to escape from his eyes as they wouldn't have the opportunity. They're always searching, cautious, sharp. Usually, his instincts were very perceptive. Usually, usually, usually. However, under the circumstances of the situation, the emotions, the distractions, Gaster was unaware of the eyes that had watched them so. How interesting.

After the conversation finally broke and the teacher allowed Gaster to move past her towards the children, Gaster scooped them up. He cradled his children in his arms and held them as he walked home. Them being as old as they were, it was a struggle. They were probably far too big for him to carry home now, but he continued on nonetheless. Perhaps quickening in pace due to the fact that they were quite heavy. He brings them home --their home being near his office-- and he lays them down in bed. He tucks them in gently, bringing the covers over them to keep them warm and wish them a good night. He kisses them both on the forehead, muttering a small goodnight and he leaves the room. He closes the door behind himself just as the 2 hold each other affectionately, snoring in peace. It was such a stark difference to the father skeleton now.

Trudging down the hallway, he dreads being in his room. A place of rest and comfort had now turned into a place of long restless nights and terror-filled dreams. Being in his room, sleeping itself, was an impossibility in the condition Gaster was in now. Having his humanity be returned after all those gut-wrenching mistakes he made was the worst event that could possibly happen to him. Before, when his desperation clouded his judgment, it meant nothing to hurt 2 little children if it meant he could save the Underworld. However, when the children, his children, had managed to shimmy their way into an empty spot in his soul and he started to feel for them, the clouds were shoved away. The sky had brightened, the rain stopped, and the sun shone on a bright cloudless day and reality crashed. It hit him quite like a truck and he was disgusted with his behavior. Disgusted with himself and clearly, he has yet to forgive himself.

He continues on his way to his room, and when he arrives, he can feel his nerves spike as he stands in front of his wooden door. Creaking it open slowly, he steps inside. His soul thumps erratically like a drum in his rib cage as he stares into the room. His bed lay perfectly crisp and untouched. His sheets were folded neatly and pristinely, albeit covered in slight dust. The room itself was in perfect condition and dusty. Which was evidence of a lack of presence in the sullen room. The air felt cold in there, he could feel a draft of wind bang against his bones and he faltered backward. He felt the atmosphere drop to a spin-chilling ghost and his mind threatened to open the dam to the sins of his past. Basically falling back, he uninvites himself to his own room and slams the door closed, breathing heavily against it.

Not today, definitely not today.