𝐇𝐞𝐲, 𝐇𝐞𝐲, 𝐇𝐞𝐲, 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 - 𝐀 𝐋𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐱 𝐅𝐚𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐜

Chapter 5- Please

Max

I quickly sat up in my bed and felt around me in a panic.

I had another nightmare, and usually they're just jumbles of what happened at star court, but this was different. Lucas was in the same place as Billy, and I couldn't move. I tried to scream, I tried to grab him, but I couldn't.

Ever since Billy came into my life I wanted him out of it. I wished something would just happen and he would be gone. I wanted the stress and anxiety that he brought around to go away.

Then something happened, and he went away. He died right in front of me. Right there. I felt the life leaving him and it broke me. Then everything went crashing. Neil got worse and left, but he took a part of my mom with him. El and Will left, my best friends. My mom started drinking.

Why did I wish for this? How could I be so selfish?

My head fell into my hands and I started sobbing.

A part of me did want him gone. Is that why I stood there? Is that why I froze?

It's my fault. My mom is going through this because of me. Lucas shouldn't have to do all of this emotional work because of me. He should spend his teenage years with someone fun, someone who isn't work.

More tears fall. I really really like Lucas, but I don't deserve him. He's smart and funny and thoughtful and honestly really cute. But I'm not.

All of these things have been swirling in my head since Billy died, and I can't take it anymore. I just want it all to stop.

"Max? Honey?" My mom walks in.

I quickly wipe my eyes, "Yeah?"

"Oh Max." She comes over and pulls me into a hug, "I know this isn't easy and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I have bad habits and I make it harder for you, I'm just trying to deal with this."

"Mom it's fine you can just go back to sleep." I hate crying in front of other people. She brought her hands to my eyes and wiped my tears.

She looked at me with a soft expression, filled with sympathy.

"Max you can talk to me."

"I just had a bad dream."

She looked at me with disbelief. The same look that Ms. Kelley gives me. The same one that Lucas gives me.

"I'm gonna get some water."

I got a cup from the cupboard and poured water into it. Maybe I'll try to get better. If I just stop being sad I won't be sad anymore, right? It's that easy, I just need to stop being a pessimist and make life better.

"Hey Lucas?" I picked up the walkie.

"Max its seven in the morning." He sounded tired.

"I'm coming over, okay?"

Lucas

For the first time in a while, Max actually wants to come over here. Okay, that sounds like things are getting better.

I got some comic books and tapes from around the house and put them on my bed for her to choose from.

I think I'll probably take her on a date. Like, a real date. We can go to lunch somewhere downtown and then watch a new movie.

But what if she doesn't want to do those things? What if something happened and she's coming over here for support?

Either way, I'm prepared to be a better boyfriend today.