Trapped in reality

Never Not

         I can't help, but love you
        Even though I try not to
         I can't help, but want you
         I know I'd die without you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ARRGGG . I have been staring out the window for 20 minutes, nothing accomplished, better now then never. here goes nothing.

Journal entry #1
Here I am, writing, not that I want to, but because I "need" to. At least that's what Dr. Wayhale tells me, she is so sweet. In a manipulative way of course.

Being my therapist and all she has to help me communicate my feelings and all that other crap, not like I talk about them anyway. She is however a very persistent little... Thing.

So here I am writing, I'm not a bad kid by any means, I get good grades I do most of my homework. Yet my mom is always stressed over me, sending me to therapy I don't need and don't have money for.

I should also mention I just moved here to a quaint town Renway Sickle, I do not know who named this town or what they were on while naming it. But I try not to judge for mom's sake because the houses here are actually quite nice. This is what she needs though it hasn't been easy. We had to leave our old house it was no longer home; to many memories and the wounds still to fresh.

Since my dad died last fall just two days before thanksgiving. It's been more than eight months now. I'm a freshman now and my dad never got to see me graduate middle school and will never see me graduate high school. He always talked about how much fun it would be and much to my embarrassment boys.
Always joking that mom got very lucky with him and how it would happen to me too. He was the one I could talk to about anything but, he's gone now, when I need him more then ever. My first day of high school ever is tomorrow and he isn't here to help me figure things out. I don't blame him though he didn't ask to die, but he left me, and I'm all alone.

Always,
Ever Carold

I close my notebook and try to hold back tears. This is what happens when I start getting in too deep. I take in one final big breath and turn away. I look down at the faded scars on my arm and trace one that is deeper then the others with a few lines making an
"R"
Weird.

Rubbing my eyes.  I walk to my midnight blue bed and climb into it. All of a sudden I feel really tired my my eyes submitting to sleep. As I'm falling asleep the moonlight peeks through my open window, a gentle breeze rippling the curtains. And then a soft almost inaudible laugh floats in...

But I'm already gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heyyyyyy guys

Good job for people who actually reads theses because some things go down here so.... Yeah so

I have to warn you now this is going to get deep ,emotional, weird so keep your tissue boxes ready. But please keep reading I know it's really boring now but I swear it's going to get.... Interesting

I know I know I'm writing different stuff and I never Finish but I constantly have new ideas so like a normal person I'll put them in the stories I already have. But don't expect one thing from me cause I don't want to be labeled as just one thing.

So vote/comment/fan just tell me what you think it can be good or bad just speak your minds my sweet children.

FALCONLORD OUT 😘