Going Back To Yesterday

07

3 years later

It's been 3 years since he left. I'm still mad at him but I do miss him. I really do. I missed his annoying presence every damn time. Kahit na nasaktan ako, siguro kung babalik siya, I would easily welcome him back into my life. 

I'm in college now, by the way. Pero hindi na ako roon nag-college sa school ko noon. I transferred to a different school with Clara. Malayo ako kay Kuya kaya minu-minuto natawag sa akin 'yon para kamustahin ako. 

[Sabi sa akin ni Clara hindi ka raw kumain nung isang araw?] Kuya scolded me through call. [Nagpapalipas ka na naman ng gutom? Pupuntahan talaga kita d'yan, 'ta mo.]

Kuya started getting strict after what happened to me. When I knew that Oliver left, ilang buwan akong isang beses lang kumain... May mga araw na hindi talaga ako kumakain. There were also nights that I couldn't sleep because of crying. I would spend the night crying and then pressure myself into school in the morning. I was abusing myself. 

Dumating na nga sa point na hihimatayin ako dahil sa sobrang pagod. That's when I realized that what I was doing was wrong. I was abusing myself because of him...? I was hurting myself more tapos siya, nasa ibang bansa, nagsasaya?

After that, I tried bringing the old Xanaya back. I tried to heal. I started spending more time with people. Bumalik ako sa 3 meals a day. Inayos ko ang sarili ko para rin sa sarili ko. And now, I'm still healing. Hindi ko naman minamadali ang sarili ko na maghilom, eh... Kaya I'm enjoying what I have now habang naghe-heal.

Napanguso ako. "Antok na kasi ako n'on, Kuya. Tsaka I ate naman noong hapon kaya pwede na 'yon. 3 meals a day pa rin naman, katulad ng bilin mo." 

He just sighed. [Sige. Pero basta kumain ka ng tama, ha. Huwag ka rin magpupuyat masyado, mukha ka ng panda, eh.] 

I rolled my eyes. "Ikaw nga mukhang unggoy."

[Aba!] 

I laughed. "It's already late, Kuya. Ibaba mo na ang call, tutulog na po ako. Goodnight sa inyo ni Ate Reese!" 

[Goodnight.] 

After he ended the call, humiga na ako sa kama. I stared at the ceiling of my dorm. Puno ng glow in the dark na stars. I reached for my phone and checked if Clara has any messages. Pero wala, she might be sleeping na. 

I filled my mouth with air as I tried to fall asleep. 30 minutes na akong nakatitig sa kisame pero hindi pa rin ako dinadalaw ng antok. I got up and took my cap kasi lalabas muna ako para magpahangin.

I was walking outside when I suddenly bumped into someone kaya nahulog ang mga gamit na dala niya. I apologized as I helped him pick up the things that fell.

"Hala, sorry po," I apologized again as I gave him his book that fell. When I looked at him, I froze. My mouth parted because of shock. I also saw the shock on his face when he saw me. "Oliver?"