I couldn't,
could I?
it wouldn't be fair,
would it be?
to change the course
of reality just to see your face again,
just to have you in front of me,
you would be right there though,
a butterfly, in it's perfect form,
asking how my day was & if there
was anything wrong,
ponytail of dark, brown hair,
just like mine,
a smile so pure,
how am i to explain it won't be fine,
how do i say you will leave us,
in the end this is how you will go,
this is what's left behind,
not the family & relationships
you once came to know,
I don't need to tell you we were fractured,
I don't need to say how lost we had become,
I don't think we'd have the time to go through all that was unsaid & undone,
I'd maybe just take a moment,
allow you to make me a cup of tea,
have a seat on the couch,
while you chatted endlessly,
It would feel like years had passed,
I knew it was time to go,
I'd take a deep breath, close my eyes
& hug you like I'd never want to let you go,
I'd wave to you, holding my chest as if my heart could fall to the ground,
I'd do anything in this world to have you around,
But even just a glimpse of you,
would make my mind feel safe & sound,
In reality, I hold on to the fact that I was the only one that got to call you Mum,
that makes me full with love & emotions,
I'm smiling though the tears,
I'm proud,
I'm overcome ♡
By Catherine Jackson © 2023
