A Home For My Heart

Chapter One

GRACE

What do they know? A bunch of useless, pathetic imbecile. I hate them, I hate everybody, I'm so sick and tired of this life... I'm so tired. Why does it always have to be me? Am I an easy target? Why? Doesn't anyone love me anymore? Well, get rid of me already!

I wasn't always like this, but with such people in my life I started to hate the world and everyone in it. I was once a happy and cheerful person, giving my all even though what I get in return was the shitty trash at the end of the stick. Simple kind gestures or words would have been nice. But unfortunately, it doesn't exist in their vocabulary.

What's the point of being genuine, when I have to deal with a bunch of assholes, huh? Why do I always have to be nice to people? What's the benefit? When they themselves don't return equal kindness. Ungrateful.

Does mother nature have it out for me or something? I wouldn't be surprised if she did. After all, I'm not a lover of her plants or her insects. Not my kind of thing. I rather be around books and sneakers.

Through the years, I kept asking myself one question. Am I worth loving? Am I worthy of the air I breathe. And if so, why hadn't anyone show their interest yet? I imagined sometimes, what it would be like to get swooped up by a prince charming. And riding off into a Happily Ever After. What would it feel like to be a princess and then his queen. Amazing, I can only imagine.

The most contact I've ever had with a guy is normal curtsy manners; hi, hello, good evening, morning or night. No one ever made a move on me, not even a flirtatious smile. A little body would have done it but not even that. It's like I am a disease to them.

Now, I'm not the Coca-Cola, Pepsi bottle, champagne glass shaped kind of girl. No, my sides a little chunky, my cheeks rosy, look.... Overall I'm a little on the plus side and I work amongst the slimmest set of girls. All well-polished from head to toe, sleek. Who make it their duty every day to remind me that I don't belong there.

Well, if they got a problem, they can take it up with the boss, who by the way was in the center fold this weekend. Oh, his abs rock hard washboard just missing a touch of ketchup that I'd be glad to lick off his body, on perfect display and that delicious mouth drooling V, that points its way down to his manhood cover by that stupid piece of clothing we all call pants, ugh!

I would be lying if I say I don't fantasize about my boss sometimes, his hands all over me caressing my body, the feel of his lips on mine and our skin to skin contact. But who am I kidding? Guys like that in the end goes for the walking toothpick. I guess that's how society has it, we plus sized girls don't belong.

Don't deserve any attention with the size we carry. Who knows how they view us in their minds. Maybe disgusting, you could never tell. But just because I don't chase after love anymore, doesn't mean I'm going to let anyone pull me down. I have my life to live so I'm going to live it. Whether they like it or not.

I live in a twelve by twenty-four board house, a lamp my only source of light, I avoid buying clothes that need ironing and mostly eat ramens.

You probably wondering how I get this job I'm at and this is my state of living, an old woman who I helped in my teenage years put in a word with an old friend at the company to pull me out, not long after I started working there, she died. Well, you see I had everything before but because I was the only fat kid in my parents' house, I wasn't allowed to stay since it might give them a bad reputation, so when i turned eighteen, I was given the boot.

Things were expensive, and this was the cheapest home I got. No-one knew where I live, not even my boss or who knows if he did find out where I live, he might fire me. I'm not sure I'm just guessing. He looks like the type that likes perfection in every possible way even if it means having employees living in fancy homes.

I don't plan on living like this the rest of my life, I have dreams of owning my own home one day. Even finding my shinning knight to swoop me away. I mean, I've got to have some hope, right.

As small as it is. Today I stand tall in my dark skin in front of my floor length mirror with determination and the zeal to go forth and achieving my goals. My name is Grace Jane, and this is my story.