Ayato x reader

When our souls mingle

I want to say before you read this, what I tried to write here is about loving someone to death. When you love someone so much, they fill up your whole heart. There is no space left for anyone or anything else. It's like they fuse into your whole being. They flow through your veins and ventricles. They take over your mind and soul. Love can be an unhealthy coping mechanism. Relying on them for every single thing and expecting them to feel the same towards you. When a single thing goes wrong or even worse, when they leave, your soul dies and wanders off like it has lost its life force. The main character here, already has mental health issues and is a victim of extreme love. It has good sides of course. They can be a reason for you to wake up everyday with a smile or someone to be longed over before going to bed. Being the reason that keeps you alive. This is what I tried to write here. Hope you enjoy.

I had an important thing to say. He was working. I didn't want to bother, but the urgency of it was rather important. I walked up to his beautiful figure that was concentrating. Every breath he took was the reason for my despair, as well as the reason for my will to live and beautifully hold onto life.

I started walking, halfway I stopped, should I really disturb him when he is so busy already? I continued anyways. I stood in front of his desk. He slowly looked up to me. The moment we made eye contact I had shivers and a sudden increase in my heartbeat. It lasted a few seconds yet the impact was a lot longer.

"What is it?" He said."I'm rather busy, I would appreciate it if you could make it quick". "I have a very important thing to tell you, however, I'm afraid it could take a while". He sighed a little. "I don't really have time for a long chat, can't we talk later?" He said in a slightly angry tone. "Ayato... please it's really important. Can't you just listen? I think you should take a break anyways. You look exhausted". "Look, I can't, okay? Another time".

"Ayato I-" I was about to say, "ENOUGH CANT YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?! I NEED A BREAK FROM YOU SOMETIMES TOO! WE CAN'T BE ALWAYS TOGETHER! YOU ARE SO CLINGY IT IS ANNOYING SOMETIMES! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!" I flinched, my eyes shot open then they closed. When I opened my eyes again I realized what just happened. Everything went silent. The room started spinning and I felt dizzy. I felt like throwing up and was about to pass out. I couldn't move an inch of my body. I was stuck. It felt like eternity. The universe had just given me the worst thing, the biggest challenge of my life. I wanted to die right at that spot.

I saw his eyes widen as he just realized what he had done. He stood up and walked towards me. He put his hands on my shoulders and looked deep into my eyes. They were teary. "I am so sorry, I didn't mean to. Please forgive me. I love you so much. Just, please!" He said in a shaky voice. He was biting his lips as if he was holding himself not to cry. At that moment I was disconnected. It was perhaps the only time I didn't really care about what he said. Which I didn't know would, later on, be the biggest regret of my life.

When I finally regained my consciousness a little, I stood straight. Without saying a word, I started walking towards the door. He held my arm to stop me. I pulled it away from him and walked away. He let me go. Which was probably even more painful than him shouting nightmare. Was this how much he cared about me? If I were to leave him forever, would he let me go like this as well? I could not comprehend that. I could not live with that. That's why I decided to forget about it, otherwise, I would die of despair. My brain eliminated it completely.

I walked towards home. I didn't think of a single thing along the way. I dissociated, yet I was conscious. I was gone, yet I was there. I arrived. When I arrived, I stood in front of the door, and just stared. I couldn't make myself open it. I didn't have the strength to...

A few minutes later I made myself open it. I stepped inside and closed the door. I stood in the middle of the room and stared at the wall. I don't know how long I had been staring, however, I know that it surely was at least an hour. When I came back to reality I dropped to the ground. I covered my face with my hands and started screaming. It was so loud that I could not hear myself anymore. I had just gone insane.

I cried and cried for hours on end. I finally stood up, still crying, and walked towards the kitchen. I grabbed a knife and aggressively closed the drawer. I dropped to the ground, my back leaning on the counter. I started cutting myself aggressively. It was as if a beast had just taken over me. After a few strokes on my right arm, I rolled my pants up And cut my leg as well. I had to do it, I had to hurt myself. How dare I disturb him and make him this upset? I could have talked to him some other time, was that so hard? I am so pathetic...

I threw the knife away and relaxed my body. I looked up to the ceiling and wandered off again.

I sat there for hours, yet I didn't move an inch. Suddenly the door rang. I was not present, that's why I couldn't open the door. He had my house keys, so he invited himself in. He was rather in a rush. He was panicky. He called my name out loud and ran towards me. "Please, what have you done.? Your beautiful body. It has been scarred. You don't deserve this. I don't deserve you. I am a terrible person". He grabbed me and put me on his lap. He wrapped his arms around my body. I did not move nor say anything. He caressed my face while he was crying. His precious tears were dropping on my face. I was not worth being cried over. Especially not by him.

My head was resting on his chest while he was gently holding my face. I eventually spoke up, "Ayato... I am so sorry for being this pathetic. I am so sorry. However, I want you to know that you're the reason for my existence. The reason why I am breathing. I want you to know and I want you to never forget, that I love you so much. No matter what you do to me. It wouldn't matter if you shot me dead. if you tore my heart out. if you would ever curse me. Because... you are the only thing in my life that matters".

"I am cursed, I am disgusting, I am ugly".

"Please don't say that. It hurts me".

"I love you so much that I hate myself. You're like a precious stone. Whenever I look at your hands I feel lovely. I am too scared to hold them, as I think I will dirty them. I try to avoid eye contact, as I am scared to drown in your mesmerizing eyes and get lost in the sea of beauty. When the scent of you comes through my nose, I feel like I have just made contact with heaven. Whenever you hold me like this, I feel like an angel has wrapped its wings around me. Whenever I hear your breath I want to sit down and listen to it for hours. Whenever I hear the beautiful tone of your voice, I want to close my eyes and just relax. I feel like I am in heaven when I am with you.

I don't deserve this. I am a disgusting demon that belongs in hell. I hate myself for making you stay with me. I would like to let go of you, yet, I want to stay with you as I am too scared to leave you. I would lose my soul. I would get lost in the darkness and never find my way out again. If I would not be with you, it would be the end of me".

He did not say a word. He was shocked. His heart was beating so hard. I could feel and hear it. I could just close my eyes and sleep no matter the things that had happened.

"I did not know you loved me this much. I am truly sorry for not realizing. You're the love of my life. The one that keeps me alive and well despite the hardships of life. You're the most precious thing that has ever happened to me. I love you dearly. I could never explain.

You're so beautiful, I want you to know that. You're the most beautiful thing ever. There is nothing in this world, in this universe prettier than you. You're no demon. Your pure soul would make the angels jealous. Heaven is not enough for you. Rest assured you're way better than me. I want you to realize that you're extraordinary".

"I don't deserve you, not the other way around".

He kissed my head.

"I love you so much".

He kissed it again.

"I'm deeply sorry".

He put his head on mine

"You are my life".