[曦澄 | XiCheng]: The Fear Of Falling In Love [~PART 1~]

[63.] Bloody palms. [TW]

Note:

TRIGGER WARNING for gore/miscarriage.

***

Inspiration for the title of this chapter:

Phantogram   -   "Bloody Palms"

****

Jiang Cheng was doing his best to ignore the pains in his abdomen that never really disappeared that day. He was doing his best to smile and answer all greetings and birthday wishes accordingly, but in time he was getting more and more dizzy with the pain. At one point, his head swayed, as he was passing out, and Lan Xichen immediately grabbed him, calling his name:

- Wanyin...? Darling, are you alright? A-Cheng?

He bit his lips and took him in his arms swiftly, carrying him out of the Hall. 

Everybody gasped to see them leave like that, but he smiled politely, saying:

- Please, forgive us, Masters. My husband is a little ill, too much wine, haha! Please, enjoy your dinner! We appreciate your coming to our celebration.

But as soon as the doors of the Hall closed behind his back, he called the housekeeper's name; she was never very far. 

He yelled desperately:

- Send for the doctor, right away! I need him to be here within the hour! I don't care how! Keep everyone away from the master bedroom!

- Yes, Master!  –   she rushed straight away to run the errands.

Wei Wuxian was standing at the door's entrance, horrified, watching Zewu-Jun grabbing his brother in his arms as if his life depended on it, and now rushing towards the bedroom.

As soon as he managed to enter, and placed Jiang Cheng on the bed, he heard his weak voice and his heart stopped.

- Huan... Please, take me out of that bath... It's been too long... No more soaking... I...

He hurriedly looked down at his hands  –   they were covered in blood.

Blood was also staining the snow white Gusu robe.

***


The housekeeper was true to her word – absolutely no one entered the Hánshì  before the doctor arrived. Lan Xichen was sitting in a sorry heap in one of the corners, staring at his bloody hands, unable to even move.

She knocked on the door and let the physician in.

- Master?

As there was no response, she explained to the doctor roughly whatever she knew about the situation and then left them, but stayed in front of the door outside, in case her Masters needed her, determined not to let anyone in.

The physician wondered about it all, but decided to examine the man lying on the bed. Sandu Shengshou was lying very still, in just his underclothes. The bed underneath him was soaked in blood. He looked thin and exhausted, even in his sleep. The doctor removed his clothes, suspecting some kind of wound, but found none. But upon a closer examination – as the blood was coming from somewhere  – he gasped, now staring amazed. Still, he frowned, as so much blood meant nothing good.

He now opened Jiang Cheng's legs to take a better look, which woke him up. He stared, eyes wide open and terrified, at the strange man.

- Don't worry, Master. I am a doctor. Tell me where it hurts.

Jiang Cheng described the pain and told him about his last weeks, sounding truly sad and tired. The room was semi-dark and he thought he was all alone with the physician, as he could barely move his head even. The doctor was pressing down on his belly, asking him different questions, and then called for the housekeeper asking her for some water. When she brought it, he put some kind of powder in it and made Jiang Wanyin drink it.

- This should stop the bleeding, Master. I will leave some more of the medicine to your housekeeper. I must say, I have never seen anything like this in my whole life... Amazing! So amazing that you were able to conceive too! The Gods must truly love you, Master.  –   he smiled.

- Hardly.  -   Jiang Wanyin laughed bitterly and with difficulty.  –   The Gods decided to punish me by making me a man... - he sighed.  -  I know my story from an old maid that used to serve my mother... You see, Lǎo Zǐ,  my mother adores my Shìjiè... She wanted another girl. She did the impossible to get a professional fortune-teller to read the star maps and tell her the baby's gender while she was still pregnant with me... And yes,  I was going to be born a boy... the next Clan Leader, my father's pride... She was quite... disappointed, my dear mother, but it was far too late for her to kill her baby... So the highly esteemed Madam Yu tried to... change me,  before I was even born... She searched for a spell... A Dark Arts spell... And... I... it went...  The magic spell went wrong... And so I am her disappointment. To this day. Her shame. Her...failure.

The doctor was shaking his head, mumbling:

- One should not meddle with Nature... Nature knows best...

- Yes, doctor... Now I have finally found someone who loves me... just the way I am... Can you believe it? Ah... but I am still cursed, you see. I only wished to give him a child... just that. So... Lǎo Zǐ... Have I lost my child...? Have I lost... his child???   –  he sobbed, too desperate to still be trying to pretend to be brave any more.

- I cannot say, Master.  –  he said sadly. –  But I will come back in three weeks' time, when the Moon is waxing. I will be able to tell you then. But you must rest... And avoid all stress and physical strain. At any cost!

Sandu Shengshou nodded, turning his head to the side, turning his back to the room, and hugging his belly.

The doctor bowed to the both of them and left, shaking his head, still unable to believe it.

***

Lan Xichen was listening to it all in a stupor, numb, frozen, unable to speak. 

But now he crawled to the side of the bed with great effort, whispering feverishly:

- Wanyin... Wanyin... My love... My life...

- Zewu-Jun...  -  Jiang Cheng turned his head with difficulty to face him, and his hand touched his face.  –  I am... so sorry... My love, forgive me...  -  he was sobbing.

Lan Huan was shaking his head "no",  and he climbed in bed, lying next to him, not caring that his fine official robes were getting soaked in blood.

- Don't cry, my heart... My lovely one... My loved one... It is all my fault... I should have kept you safe... Protected you from the wolves... Forgive me, A-Cheng... Forgive me... I am never letting anyone near you... No one will touch you... Ever again... Not ever...

- Yes... Please... Yes, please!

They were holding each other, crying pitifully, caressing each other gently. 

Later that night, Lan Xichen bathed his husband and after the servants cleaned the room and changed the linen, slightly terrified at the sight of so much blood on the sheets and in the water, they hugged and rested together, totally forgetting all the guests.

Zewu-Jun was greatly thankful for the silence  –  the housekeeper had put two men at the door and they wouldn't let anyone in: the disciples were loyal to their Zewu-Jun first.