Damien is a professional pornstar with a huge cock and interchangeable ginger to bright red hair who got herpes (ass acne) extremely often. He has a boyfriend called Wyatt, although since he is such a famous pornstar he has a LOT of side bitches.
Damien has been pregnant three times, all to three different fathers; Wyatt, Olivier and Fritz. Except, only Fritz's baby made it.
Damien and Olivier, after sending letters to their idol (Damien), became best friends and enjoy hosting piss parties for all their friends so that they can bask in each other's piss! Although... Nobody arrives. So, it is a special interest and serious hobby that Damien and Olivier get up to. I mean, is there ever a time Olivier and Damien AREN'T pissing on each other? Haha! I don't think so!
Speaking of the two other children, they didn't make it. Damien had to abort them, but he did it in such miraculous ways; by jumping off of a building after high-fiving Olivier naked, and having Wyatt sit his fat ass on Damien's stomach while he was sleeping. Although, Damien wasn't too bothered by this since he had to keep his career afloat. He loved being a Pornhub actor, truly.
Although, one day, Damien made a haunting discovery.
Olivier also had a main bitch, and he went by the name of 'Sans'. This was shocking, and Damien's ego hurt for a short while before, whilst and after confronting them.
"You have a main bitch? Since when!?" Damien pressed them, obviously annoyed. Olivier replied, distraught. Their piss parties were truly immaculate, so fun and so amazing.
"Yes, Damien, I do have a husband.. His name is Sans. And.." Olivier paused, holding back in fear of how Damien would react. "And we have a son. His name.. Is Jansansephans."
Olivier went on and on about how they sought sexual refuge in Damien after struggling with the affair between their husband Sans and Sans' mistress...
Larry the Cucumber.
Damien was shocked at this information. A son? When?? And how?
Damien soon felt okay with it and forgave Olivier, and then hosted a piss party after. Damien reassured Olivier that they would be able to work through this, since he wasn't too innocent either.
Although Damien is happy with the way he lives, Olivier sometimes gets him to do... questionable activities. Questionable activities along the lines of murder, since Olivier was an undercover criminal... the blood of their American enemies always made Olivier's hair sausage-like and immensely greasy. Olivier hates it when Damien brings it up. Due to this, Damien traps guilt up in his soul... and that is why he must go to the church and confess his sins to Jesus Christ, otherwise known as Parker.
Parker and Damien actually share a special bond, even though they are never publicly seen with each other. 'Jesus' isn't actually his true name, just a coverup; an Alias. Although this holy, almighty man may seem like the product of a healthy, cleansed mind and the epitome of a peaceful, calming life, on the inside Parker actually struggles deeply with suicidal thoughts. Parker goes out of his way to hang and/or shoot himself, sometimes even nailing his testicles to a cross. Parker secretly enjoys stripping and wears bright pink micro-bikinis and lingerie.
During one of Damien's vent sessions with Parker (Jesus), Parker revealed that he had a partner. A girlfriend that goes by the name of 'Power'. Damien was shocked to hear this, and happy at the same time.
Power was actually Damien's best friend. They held hands ALL the time and committed arson together, of which they liked to refer to as 'ginger fire'. Power enjoyed glaring at boobs, and often popped hers out due to this addiction.
However, one night, Power hosted a thanksgiving dinner at the church; Parker's church. All of them gathered around the table;
Damien, the pornstar
Olivier, with their greasy shit-blonde sausage hair
Synth, the furry who enjoyed fidgeting with penis cubes and Gucci
Power, the titty popper
Parker, the almighty Jesus Christ himself in all his glory (and lingerie)
Fritz, his black frizzy head pubes on display
Lilia and Lex, who were conversing about Nicalodian cocks (their FAVORITE porn tag)
And Wyatt. He was just being emo, nobody really cared enough to pay attention. However Wyatt brang McDonald's, since he was such a picky eater and refused to eat the Turkey and everything else.
Next, Power did the unthinkable, and gave Damien McDonald's fries...
His worst enemy.
Damien bloated up like an obese balloon, his hair perking up into a frizzy-pubed fro, and waving the Australian flag around.
"FAT GINGER THANKSGIVING DINNER!" Power announced, giggling deviously.
Damien proceeded to shart everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. The walls, the ceiling, the floor, the faces of the guests... anywhere you could ever imagine. Everyone screamed in pure horror, fleeing the scene like scrambling ants.
The church was abandoned, meanwhile Damien's ass continued to squirt.
Power was running home, bewildered by what had just happened. She couldn't believe Damien was lactose intolerant, she had no idea. Or did she?
Her jaw dropped as she planted her gaze on Parker, who was nailed to a cross. Aww, just like old times.
She searched her pockets and pulled it out. A singular McDonalds fry.
Power peered at it for a long while, and eventually gave into her impulsive thoughts.
She ate only half of the McDonald's fry, and bent over on the cross. I do not remember Holy Mary going down like this.
Power's ass pooled out big brown bloody diarrhea, in fact it was so liquified that it easily squirted out of her bloodied, shit-stained pants.
Parker was once again covered in shit.
To Power's surprise, she heard footsteps... HARD footsteps. She glanced up to see Olivier running at her FULL speed.
"Power!" Olivier called, standing in front of her.
Power slowly got up, a little surprised.
"Papa-"
"Power, my daughter, I am so proud of you." They sniffled, placing a hand on her shoulder.
Power immediately smiled at her father, who was now doing the chad face aggressively... and strangely perfectly.
"Olivier, you autistic roach... You have another child? And that child is my best friend?"
Damien looked shocked, and Olivier only hugged him.
"Yes, Damien. Although, I don't exactly know how Power got here. She just burst out of my scrote one day 15 years ago."
Damien sniffled with pride, truly a tearjerker.
"Papa!"
Olivier turned around to see Jansansephans gleaming with happiness.
Olivier pressed their son with questions, wondering why he wasn't back at home with his blue-tipped father.
"Papa, I.. I need to tell you something. I met someone." Jansansephans admitted, holding the hand of a gorgeous creature.
"It's name is Black Figure Throwin' It Back, but it likes to be called Black Figure. It's not talking because it's a little nonverbal right now."
Olivier started crying with joy.
"My son! I am so proud of you!"
BFTIB had the fattest, juiciest ass imaginable with pink ass veins. The ass shine was magnificent and blinding. Even fatter than Olivier's, somehow. It was a completely black creature with fabulous black-gray shiny hair and glowing red eyes who always managed to be in an ass-perking position.
Black Figure found great joy in sending the crying-laughing emoji to people.
Everything was perfect.
And then suddenly, Fritz blew up the Earth, floating around space in the form of Heisenberg. All because a Starbucks employee spelled his name wrong.
