Sorry I can't Stay

I'll be missing you forever

Final!

-------------

I dropped out the next day...

i stayed in my room for two days.

My aunt said Jiyong came by yesterday but she told him i'm out.

I was really leaving - i decided to go to a special facility where i can stay until the end.

My parents left me enough money to be able to afford that.

i saw the doctor again this morning and he told me how long ....

2 months, maximum 3.

That didn't actually surprise me since I'm slowly starting to feel weaker.

He said its better to be admitted as soon as possible to ease some of my pain and to give me comfort.

I can't properly sleep at night anymore - I feel out of breathe most of the time.

So the next morning - we left.

-------------

My aunt visits me 3 times a week. I told her its okay for once a week but she wouldn't hear a word of it.

Everytime she mentions Jiyong's name I change the topic or ask to rest for a while.

There was a time that she didn't care that I said I was tired and just continued to tell me that Jiyong still comes by asking about me - and wanting to know if i'll let him see me or even talk to me.

I stayed quiet pretending to sleep - but at night I remember everything she said and I cry myself to sleep.

-----------

2 months has passed

i can't carry my own weight anymore.

Most of the time I ask the nurses to help me and just let me sit by the window , but most of the time i just stay in bed as pain courses through my body.

Sometimes they gave me enough pain medication to dull the pain but it always left me drained of energy to do anything else but sleep.

I sometimes feel like time is slowing down and torturing me - and there isn't a day when i hoped it's the last.

at those moments : I picture his face and his smile.

I tried remembering the sound of his laugh - but like everything else - I can't remember it anymore.

There was one night when i refused all pain medications and my aunt stayed with me ; hugging me and crying.

I look out my window. I hear the sound of my breathe in the mask as it supplies me with oxygen.

Instead of the dull colors i usually see - today seemed more vibrant.

For the first time this week i don't feel that much pain.

I removed my mask and tried to sit up.

A nurse entered and she almost panicked seeing what I'm trying to do. She called the doctor and when he came I asked.

"Can I sit by the window for just a moment? Please?!" And for the first time in weeks i felt my face form into a smile again.

The doctor nodded to the nurse and he turned back to me .

"Just for a moment okay." He said then the nurse entered with a wheelchair.

A few minutes after they left my aunt enters. I smiled and opened my arms to her.