✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

152. Confrontation

This bonus chapter is dedicated to Cassie, with thanks for all your support!

Once he was sure that Tess had finished speaking, Spike joined her on the sofa. He put his arm around her shoulders, and whispered that he would do anything he could to support her.

"I don't know what I can do," she said. "I mean, I've... I've spoken to a doctor, and she says there's nothing it could be. We tested for everything, and ruled out everything. It's like, the only option left is that it's all in my head. And how does that even make sense? There's some part of me, deep down, that wants to be treated like a baby? But if that's true, how would I not know? Why would it be so hard to force myself to go through with the stuff Gabby wants to try? I just don't get it."

"We'll figure it out," he said. "Maybe there's something we're missing. Maybe there's something that you still don't understand. But... you sound like you really hate being babied. I kind of... I didn't expect that. I mean, when Gabby said... I thought she was exaggerating a bit about how much you enjoyed it. But you're really willing to do that stuff, if it's making you uncomfortable?"

"It's hard," Tess mumbled. "I mean... I kind of owe her a lot. Because she let me live here. Gave me a chance to stay in school. And she's been so supportive over this problem. If she wants me to be a little kid... And it's not entirely altruistic, you know?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm intrigued by the hypnosis," she admitted, the confession that she'd found so hard to put into words over the previous months. "I want to try it more. I'd prefer if I could do it with something other than baby stuff, but I only got to try it this much because Gabby persuaded Ffrances. That's something I'm grateful for. And... I guess she's right, it does help with stress sometimes. Not being able to think about the things that are worrying me. I'm sure there must be better ways, but it's not that bad. And it's better than letting me keep on worrying if there's something I can't actually do anything about."

"I guess," Spike said, forcing a smile. And Tess's heart sank a little when she thought about how much he had enjoyed being her Daddy.

"It's okay!" she said. "When it's you doing it, it's okay. I enjoy being so close to you, so it doesn't matter if the roles are a bit weird. I mean... you've only made me have an accident a couple of times, and every time I could feel the love there. Like you're trying to protect me from worry, and that's such a good thing that it's even more powerful than the embarrassment of... you know..."

"When?" he said. "You mean when we came back from the ball?"

"Yeah. I tried to yell about how I'm not a baby, I tried to get angry, and I couldn't. Because it felt so right then, and I knew that you were thinking about what's best for me. You wouldn't say the hypnotic triggers just to make a point, it had to be because it's what was best for me. And when I stopped fighting, maybe I could enjoy it. How much of that was because I needed a break, and how much was because I like making you smile... I don't know. But I think you've only done it a few times, and that's the only time I've really been comfortable with it."

"Tess?" he said, after a long pause. "You remember watching Striker, when you were hopping from one foot to the other, pressing your legs together, seemed to be in pain, and still insisted you didn't need to pee?"

"Yeah," she blushed. "I don't know what happened then, that scares me. How could I not know? Because I really believed that I was comfortable."

"Yeah, but... that's the only time I've said those words. After the ball, I... I said it might be good to regress a little. Let go of adult worries. I was hoping I could be a baby girl. And then you wet yourself, and you slipped into little mode. I thought that was your way of saying that was what you wanted too. And of course I'm going to care about you if you're feeling so vulnerable. But... that really wasn't intentional?"