I'm Sorry - Gavin X MC Mlqc Fanfic (Oneshot)

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Gavin pov

'No' I thought to myself.
'I can't let myself die here. Not like this...'

I know her.

No matter how angry she was when I left. If I don't go back, she'll spend the rest of her life feeling guilty that the last thing we did was fight. Even now, I could see the silent, tear stained expression she held before she walked out. She knew I wouldn't be there when she got back. I suspect that's why she left.

And I hated leaving her in such a state. She was so sad last week, when she asked me not to leave. It only got worse over the next few days. She stopped sleeping, didn't eat much. Eventually she started going dizzy.

Fortunately I managed to catch her before she collapsed. And as we lay side by side she told me about her dreams. That I wouldn't survive. I tried to convince her they were just dreams, but I guess that was the wrong move. Since that's when the arguments started.

At first it was more like aggressive debates than anything. I tried to explain to her that they were just dreams; that they wouldn't come true; that I still needed to be there for my team. But she countered:

"Gavin! My dreams always come true! You know that! How can you know you're going to die and still willingly walk into that place!" She spoke fiercely. Despite the anger of her loud tone, tears fell from her face. We didn't talk much the next two days. I gave her some space, but it was lonely. I just wanted to hold her. I fought constantly with myself, wondering if maybe I should just do as she asked and stay. Maybe it would make it better. The entire time we weren't talking, I was fighting myself. Then came the day I was due to leave for the mission.
"Please Gavin. Don't go..."
She stood at the doorway to what hadn't been our bedroom for days, looking so broken. So defeated. As though the fate of her whole life depended on my response. Yet still, even when seeing that pain, I still replied, knowingly causing her pain:

"I have to. You know I do." More tears fell from her cheeks. I reached out to wipe them away, only for her to step back. She wrapped herself in her arms. Although refusing to look at me, I could see the paleness that accentuated the darkness under her eyes. The weight she had lost, under her baggy clothes. My heart clenched. I didn't want to leave like this.
"I'll be home next week. You'll see, I'll be fine. You don't need to worry." She shook her head, her eyes fixed on the ground.

"No Gavin... You won't." She turned around and walked towards the front door. As her hand reached the door knob, I asked out after her:

"Where are you going?" She turned her head partially.

"I can't stay here Gavin. You and I both know I don't have any sort of strength to stop you. And whether you believe me or not... You're walking to your death. And I can't bear to watch." I watched in stunned silence as she left. I avoided leaving for as long as possible, hoping she'd come back before I left. I've never left without saying goodbye before. But she ignored my calls and didn't return home that night. I thought about tracking her, but I swore to only use it in emergencies. I had no choice but to leave without saying goodbye.

Now here I am. Bullet in my chest. Way too close to the organ owned by that girl. The others around me continued to fight. The sound of gunfire all around me and the cold wind pushing as though trying to force me up. The dusty smell around me clogged all access between my nose and lungs.

My eyes closed and my heart dropped. I wasn't going back to her. The last thing I would know was how desperately she begged me not to let this happen. I let her down. I shouldn't have let it become an argument. I never want to fight with her. I shouldn't have left her like that. It's my fault. Now that'll be the last thing she remembers between us. I failed her. I failed to bring her the happiness I so wanted for her.