He Was My Umbrella

52

Two days later, I can already walk. Hindi naman daw malalim ang mga sugat ko kaya maglakad daw ako para ma-stretch ang katawan ko. Gabi na, at ako lang mag-isa ang nandito sa hospital room. Sabi ni Renzo, darating siya.

Bumisita na sina Tita Sally dito kanina at dinalhan ako ng mga prutas. Pagkabukas ko naman ng TV kanina, nasa balita na ako. Grabe, 2nd time ko nang maipalabas sa TV. Una, noong nag top-notch ako sa BAR.

Pinadala ko rin dito ang gitara ko para may magawa ako habang hindi pa ako pwedeng lumabas sa ospital.

"Yes, I could tell you. His favorite color is green," kumanta ako ng I'd Lie na unreleased song ni Taylor Swift. "He loves to argue, oh, and it kills me. His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes. And if you ask me if I love him, I'd lie."

That song describes him so well. His favorite color is green, of course. He loves to argue with me all the time. His sisters are beautiful, Rai and Ate Rach are so pretty. He has his father's eyes, carbon copy ata 'yan ni Tito Chad. At kung tatanungin ako kung mahal ko siya, siyempre hindi ko aaminin.

"Didn't know you still played,"

Biglang lumitaw si Renz sa harap ko. Hindi ko man lang naramdamang pumasok! He was wearing a white dress shirt and his green tie was loose.

"I didn't stop, though." Sabi ko nang ibaba ang gitara ko.

"What do you say about, uhm-"

"About what?"

"What do you say about us going to
Angono, Binangonan, Rizal kapag nakalabas ka na dito?"

My eyes immediately sparkled. I always wanted to go there! But, as I told myself, I wanted to go there with him!

"Gagi? Of course! I was waiting for you to ask ever since I was 15! It has been 10 years! Gosh, you don't know how excited I am."

It's already 1 AM. Renzo is sleeping on the couch, and I am here, staring at my ceiling. I looked at him and found myself looking at the man who almost made me lose my dream.

***

"Fuck this life!" Sigaw ko nang ibato ko ang librong binabasa ko.

I was already crying and breaking down in my condo. I miss everything. I miss my life. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss him so fucking much.

Bigla namang pumasok si Cheska habang naiyak ako sa sahig.

"What the hell is happening to you, Adi?!" Nag-aalala niyang tanong habang sinandal niya ako sa dibdib niya.

"Cheska..... I miss my life, Ches."

"What do you mean?"

"I miss everything. Now, I'm stuck here, reading books all the time. I miss him, Cheska." I cried and cried on her chest.

It has been 3 years. It has been 3 years since he last talked to me. I don't know what happened. He just... vanished.

"Cheska, bakit ganoon? Bakit siya nawala? Ano ang nangyari? 'Di ba... Sabi niya nandiyan lang siya palagi? Nasaan siya ngayon kung ganoon? Nasaan, Ches?" Patuloy pa akong humagulgol sa dibdib niya. "Why did he leave at the time I need him most? Bakit ngayon pa siya nawala? Bakit? Hindi ba't iyon ang lagi niyang sinasabi sa akin? Ang nandiyan lang siya kahit ano ang mangyari? Nasaan? Nasaan siya?!" Patuloy akong umiyak ng umiyak.

"Adi, eto na naman ba tayo? Hanggang ngayon ba, ganito pa din? Tatlong taon na ang nakakalipas, Ad. Pero siya pa din ang hinahanap mo. Ano? Hanggang kailan ka pa magpapakatanga kay Renzo? For your own sake, Adi, move on!" Sumigaw siya. "Adi, hindi na kita kayang makitang ganito na lang palagi. Ako 'yung nasasaktan kapag nasasaktan ka, e."