the sleepless nights
the empty bottles of vodka
the early morning drives on the highway
for you
all for you
you once told me you would be there to catch me when i fall but it's been five months since i last seen your golden brown eyes and i have nightmares every night without you to hold me
i collapsed when i realized you weren't coming back. my body became weak and my mind stopped working
the doctors told me i had to be put away, for my own safty. i didn't understand and just kept yelling that you were on your way to pick me up; we had a date that evening and couldn't be late. i ended up staying at that institution for seven weeks
my mother cleaned my house for me when i was away, all of your belongings were gone. my siblings and cousins baked a cake to welcome me home and for the first time in eight months, i felt okay
the first couple of weeks were hard. i had to force myself to get out of bed each morning, knowing you weren't going to be there for breakfast. but i got up, made my own breakfast, and went to meet my sister for the day
ten months. ten months and i didn't speak to you. i didn't see you, and i didn't want to. my medication was making an impact on me and i had a routine for myself. it was almost like you were never a part of my life
but then i broke down. i couldn't stop shouting & throwing my dishes around. my neighbors called the police and after two hours of having a nervous breakdown, cursing your name into the air and to the walls and to god, i began to feel sane and quite embarrassed
today has been one year. one year without you in my life. one year ago you told me i wasn't worth it, you couldn't wait for me to be ready to move to the next part of our relationship. one year ago you pushed me into our bedroom dresser, told me to mature, and left me there while my head was bleeding all over our carpet. one year ago, i was broken. but today, one year later, im okay. im safe and im growing into the person im meant to be
the sleepless nights
the empty bottles of vodka
the early morning drives on the highway...
yeah, they were for you
but now they're for me
