A MERRY MAFIA CHRISTMAS (18+) (GxG)

XLIII

My Christmas List: December 19th
Let me be treated normally.

❆❆❆❆❆❆

I still can't believe I finally stood up to Millicent. That I finally had the guts to push her out of my life.

Old me probably would've fallen into her arms at the selfish confession, but something was different.

I'm different.

Yet, I still feel this gut-wrenching feeling when I remember what happened. I'll be busy with work or maybe even eating breakfast—and then suddenly I remember that I unassociated myself with my sister.

That I'll never see her again unless I'm willing to move past what she did.

At this point, I really wish I could move past it, but then I really think about what she did, and how she completely ruined my mental health. From here on out, I'll struggle with numerous things, or I'll at least try to cope with correcting patterns and behaviors.

"Miracle?"

I looked up from my untouched soggy waffles, meeting Armani's dark eyes.

"Sorry, I'm just feeling a little tired," I said, looking back at the waffles that I was pushing around with my fork.

It was a lie, but I also just didn't have the energy to discuss the truth right now. I feel like the moment I say it then it all becomes true.

Armani hummed, sitting down the black coffee mug. "Mi..." she trailed off, which easily made my eyes divert up to meet her stare again. "Are you okay?"

Before I could halt myself, I blurted, "Not this again."

The statement surprised both me and Armani—given one of her sharp brows raised in question.

I didn't mean for it to come out so rushed and clipped, but I genuinely can't keep handling check-ins with her.

It's like the small things build up until the next small inconvenience that happens finally makes you snap. 

"Not this again?" she repeated back to me, tilting her head as her dark eyes trailed my face. Her voice was soft and her composure remained calm.

I shook my head. "I just..." I trailed off, deciding if it was even worth discussing right now, which it didn't feel like it was. "Nevermind." 

Armani furrowed her brows. "Can you please explain why it's bothersome for me to ask if you're okay?"

I sighed. "I just want you to act like my girlfriend Armani. Not my therapist, okay?" I said, my tone tight and lowered.

Armani pursed her lips, nodding to herself. "Is that the only thing bothering you right now?"

It irritated me how smooth and calm her voice was, especially after I just voiced how I felt about her recent behavior—how she's taken a role of a therapist, which can be slightly triggering given that I look to her to be my girlfriend.

I shook my head, stressfully running my fingers through my dark hair. "God, you're still doing it."

"Doing what Miracle?" Armani said. "Asking you a question? Checking in with you?"

I tugged at the roots of my hair, "You can't possibly not be aware of your behavior right now," I said, my tone growing in volume.

A silence grew around us as I stared forward trying to calm myself down. I don't understand why I feel so irritated right now, and I feel bad that Armani has to recieve the blunt end of it.