For some reason, I feel exhausted. I do not know why, nor do understand why there is a slow beep echoing throughout where I lay. I try to open my eyes, but they won't budge; instead, they ache. Kind of like getting dust lodged in the eyes and the surface dries out, turning to sandpaper. Yeah, exactly like that.
Beep... Beep... Beep.
Huh. My head feels funny. But, I don't know why.
I feel I'm underwater. It's becoming harder to breathe.
Why am I so tired?
Somewhere around my body, I hear people talking. I can only catch muffled fragments like "Highly unlikely... BPM under..." and "She... brain damage... unresponsive."
I startle as a woman sobs uncontrollably to my right. She... she sounds like Mom.
They were talking about me.
All of a sudden, the pieces come together.
It was Friday. I remember being in the car along with my friends. My best friend Sydney was behind the wheel while I was in the passenger seat. Both of us, as well as two other friends, were heading back to her place after a party.
I remember that I had had a few drinks and didn't want to drive. Sydney had said that she would be okay to do so since she only had two shots. I didn't think any better and just went along with it.
The four of us were halfway to our destination when a SUV came up the road about 200 feet ahead of us. I realize now that we were on the wrong side of the road. Everything after that dissolved into a blur of screams, honking, and darkness.
Beep... Beep.
Fear rattles my soul at every sound the monitor makes. I don't want to die. I want to live my life. Fuck, I'm only twenty-one! I shouldn't be laying in a hospital bed as my mother screams and cries her eyes out.
I want to comfort her. I want to tell her I'm okay, but my body won't let me. All I can do is stay trapped in this void of darkness.
Another voice appears and a sudden warmth makes its way around my hand.
"Hey Elaine."
My stomach drops at the familiar low baritone.
It's Andrew, my fiance.
His low, soothing voice comes up again as he whispers to me, "I know you're still there and I know that you can still hear me. I want you to do something for me. Okay? El, I want you to make it through this. I love you. God, I love you so much and I need you, we all need you, so please wake up. Please Baby, wake up."
His voiced cracked as he sobbed.
It's like I can physically feel my heart being ripped in two at his words. He's so kind, so loving. I wish I could regain control of my body and wrap my arms around both him and my mom.
Beep...
I wish love had the power to fix everything but unfortunately, it doesn't. All I can do is stay here in my shell of a body, trapped in my mind as my fiance and mother beg for me to stay alive.
The beeping stops.
The darkness comes closer.
This time, warm and welcoming.
Just right.
.
