Seeing with a Heart

A Heart in Growth

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"Ominis," I heard a gentle, low voice vibrate into my ears, waking me from a spell of sleep. "It is time for my next class. You fell asleep on the first day too. A new record, I think."

"Huh," it takes me a moment to gather my bearings before I realize that I was in fact asleep, "What, is class over?"

"Well for us, you may as well not have attended." Nick said getting up from the seat next to me.

"It is not my fault that all that I hear from Professor Binns is a muddled droll." I say flatly.

Nick collects some of my while I stand up a little too quickly being taken over by the lingering effects of my nap before catching me.

"Are you alright?" The concern in Nick's voice was enough to leave me rather frustrated with myself for being as clumsy as I am.

"I am, I just need a moment to wake up" I say quickly, correcting myself upright and pulling out my wand to aid me.

My wand came to life vibrating in a familiar ripple underneath my skin in the direction of the exit. Nick was still holding my arm in support as the subtle warmth of his hand bled through my robes, an innocent and gentle act of chivalry that made my stomach flutter.

"I'm quite alright now." I mumble, only sure that he heard me when he lets go. "What is your next class? I don't remember your schedule at the moment."

"I have Advanced Divination; I am not particularly excited about hearing about loose probabilities and if I recall you have a free period." He chuckled, giving me a gentle tug towards the door.

"Oh right, I don't know, you have a knack for excelling at your classes."

"Well except for that one mark I got in Arithmancy." Nick joked.

My wand vibrated signaling me of Nick's sudden movement towards the door. I proceeded to follow my head falling down as I scolded myself for my poor attempt to compliment him. My foot falls echoed in tandem with Nicks as we made our way to the Divination tower from Charms. The sudden influx of students in the halls from all of the transfer students made it easier to lose Nick to the crowd of people, not even my wand's gentle markers could identify him within the crowd. My heart began to race as the sudden cacophony of footsteps began to cloud the air mixed with the sharp and overwhelming conversations and laughter. Each body passing me contributes to the rising heat of the meager hall.

I never really felt the feeling of the openness or closed off as described so many times before by Anne and Sebastian but in moments like this I fell victim to the overwhelming presence of too many people. Before I could call out to Nick I was left behind amongst the shoves of strangers. A wonton shoulder knocked me onto the floor forcing my hands out to catch myself to no avail. The sudden jolt scattered pain though my arm and to my shoulder forcing a seething cry through my teeth.

I lay there until listening to the gentle throbs of pain ebbed through me. Every noise had faded, every footstep, every collaborated scent gone. I could feel the watery pools coalesce at the edges of my eyes, but I would not be seen as helpless. I curled to get up when I felt the gentle caress of a hand wrapping behind my back to support my ascent. I knew it was Nick, his unmistakable scent of champagne and rosemary breezed on my face in his swift approach.

"I am so sorry, I didn't mean to leave you behind, I forgot the halls were going to be filled more than they normally are with all the transfers." His voice was laced with regret. "Please forgive me. It will not happen again."

"I am fine," I could tell I was being a bit harsher than I wanted.

"Don't you lie to me Om, I can tell when you are upset. Let me help you." Nick's hands had already folded under mine, turning them up to open. His stern pull urged my hand to remain in place as he pulled away to acquire something from a bag, with the pop of a cork he applied a cool salve on my hand revealing the pain that had remained hidden in my hand behind the adrenaline.

The pain had dissipated now replaced by a warm throb in my chest. A throb that ached for the gentle touch from Nick's warm hand, for something more. Nick pulled me into his arms and gave me a near faint hug. And in the moment, it occurred he quickly disappeared from my yearning arms. A part of me wanted to reach out, to make this infinitesimal moment last but a fraction of a second longer and yet I was only stopped by a logic that frowned on such intimate relations between males.

"I will meet you in the undercroft after my next class and we can go to dinner together. The hall is clear, and I suspect you should not encounter any crowds of people." Nick said with his footsteps drifting away on the wooden floor.

I made my way down the stairs until I reached the Undercroft and made my way in. A beating in my chest would not abate from the held embrace of Nick's arms. I could feel the sudden firmness building in my trousers, a situation I hoped to avoid. But the compassion Nick always offered had only made me fonder of the moments we shared with one another. I rapidly traced the perimeter of the Undercroft until I found a secluded corner within the barrels and crates.

I fought the waves of lust with every pang of guilt as I remembered every detail of Nick's presence, his smell, the sharp warmth of his hand connecting with mine. My clothes aided in stunting my lustful efforts but ultimately failed as I unsheathed my aching member. The gentle grazes of my hand sent a warm shiver deep below my abdomen. In a steady and even stroke shattered all of my regard for staying upright as my legs began to buckle.

The familiar loud clang of the portcullis into the undercroft opening tore through the veil of pleasure that had enraptured my inhibition sending a panicked dread through me as I scrambled to make myself decent. The footsteps had begun to approach so in a last-ditch effort I pulled my robe over myself. The footsteps closed the gap in a slow and cautious manner, it was all too cautious. It had to be Sebastian.

"Ominis," the bass voice confirming my suspicion. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, " I say flatly.

"You seem a bit off, you were in a rush to get here from what I saw, and I wanted to see if you were ok. I know you don't want to talk to me after everything that has happened over the last two years, but I wanted to tell you that I am sorry. For everything. I-"

"Sebastian, please, I need to be alone."

"Oh, I see," Sebastian's voice laced with something akin to hopelessness.

"We can talk later," I amended.

"Ok," his sudden change in tone, reignited by the spark of hope I had given him. 

His footsteps faded until they hid behind another clang of the portcullis leaving me alone once more. All the tension that had built up in my panic had finally released in a slow and hard exhale. I sit there far from satisfied and with another problem added to a roster of issues. I uncovered myself and sheathed my now flaccid member and buttoned up my trousers. Hoping that I am somewhat presentable I follow the perimeter once more until I find my hand grazing the bitterly cold iron of the Undercroft entrance. Why am I like this? I think as I leave.