"why can't you see me? why can't i stop needing you to see me?"- Chen Chen
Stella has never been seen that is until Mason walked into her life.
Tw: self harm, suicide attempt
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Chapter 9
"Everywhere I look there are all these happy people, and I think what is wrong with me? Why can't I be like them"
Once I get to Evelyn's house I go in and head upstairs to Evelyn's room I don't even bother knocking once I get in, I see Violet and Evelyn on Evelyn's bed chatting "hey girls" I say dropping my bag by the bed "hey stells" they say together "so anything you need to tell us?" Violet asks
I think about whether or not to tell them what happened last night, they are my best friends and they know everything about me and I mean everything.
Here goes nothing
"I relapsed last night," I said, not looking at them, "it's okay stells, it's normal to relapse," Evelyn says hugging me "we still love you! And we always will, it doesn't define you," violet says. The three of us hug "I love you guys so much, thank you for everything" I say
"Also Mason confessed to me," I tell them, they pull away jaws on the ground "what?!" Violet says, evelyn too shocked to say anything "yeah he didn't think I heard though," i say "what do you mean?" Evelyn asks "I mean that when we were falling asleep or more like when I was falling asleep he said 'I like you more than just a friend'" my smile appears "omg and how do you feel?" Violet questions "you've always liked him and now he likes you?"
It's crazy honestly, "I know, I feel- I don't even know how I feel" I say "but I'm not going to bring anything up until he says something to me about it plus it's too soon" we just became friends what if he's not what he actually is, what if he leaves like coleson. I can't risk anything "i just don't want him to leave just like-" i don't even finish my sentence but they know what I mean
"It's okay take your time to know him and be his friend" Evelyn says, Violet nods along "yeah i agree with eve, don't bring it up until he does" i nod.
We continue talking about random things, it feels nice to have them in my life. They're the only stable thing in my life, they've always been there for me and I can trust them with everything and anything. They bring me happiness.
But sometimes I get jealous as bad as it is to say, only because they have loving moms I know I'm a bad person for saying that but I envy them, I miss my mom. I think I would forgive her for everything she's done after the accident she's just grieving and she's right I do deserve it, I'm a murderer.
I don't usually like to talk about it but that doesn't mean I don't think about it 24/7, even when I don't think about it, it's still there.
But when I'm with Mason, it seems to disappear. He makes everything feel better.
Some part of me is terrified he'll hurt me once I get comfortable with him, just like coleson did.
But he never made me feel the way Mason did, maybe I never loved him in the first place, not saying I love Mason.
We spend the rest of the day eating junk food and watching movies until we eventually fell asleep
Sunday also went by fast and before I knew it, it was school time
I dread Mondays I don't even know why it was invented or school or even math.
I don't hate many things only mondays, school, and math.
I think the only reason why I would like school is to escape my home life and meet new people. I get up and head straight to the bathroom, i try to avoid looking at my mirror which is kinda impossible. I'm not exactly sure when I started hating looking into the mirror, I guess you can add another thing to the list.
I'd rather look at the sun then the mirror but honestly it changes well everything changes but sometimes I enjoy looking into the mirror but then the next minute just by looking at myself in the mirror it makes me feel like throwing up.
My phone dings telling me I just got a message, i check to see who it's from but it's from a unknown number
I hit the call button as soon as I see the message, she picks up the phone after one ring "Lana! Omg I've missed you!" I say getting excited, "hey stell!" She says back sounding just as excited as me "how are you?" She asks, "I've been okay and you?" I ask her back, she's my cousin, her dad is my dads brother. We were really close until she moved away "I've been good, listen is it okay if I stay with you guys for a little?" She asks I don't waste any time "of course!" Me and Lana are the same age "okay great! Your mom already knows I just wanted to make sure you were also okay with it" she says, i feel relieved I don't have to ask her myself
She knows what my mom does to me everyone of my family members knows which isn't a lot "okay great when are you coming?" I ask her I can't wait for her to come "tomorrow!" She says, we talk a little and then when we're done i finish getting ready this time with much more happiness.
I can't wait to tell the girls, back when lana was living here us four would do everything together. I miss those times, after she moved we lost contact hence why I didn't know her number.
Once I get to school I park and rush my way to Evelyn's locker, once I see them I run to them trying not to bump into anyone "Guys!" I shout earning a few looks by people who are by their lockers "guess what" i ask them when I'm next to them, breathing deeply from running "what?" They ask, "lana called!" I say excitedly "what?!? What did she say?" Evelyn asks excited as well "she's coming to stay for a little bit at my house!" We jump together as I let those words out "omg! When is she coming? Is gonna come to our school?" Violet asks i nod my head "she's coming tomorrow! And yes she'll be coming to our school"
"I can't wait for Mason to meet lana!" I say excitedly, I wonder what she'll think of him. Mason will be the first boy I introduce to her, she doesn't know about coleson.
We have a lot of catching up to do!
A/n: I was thinking after this book I can make a separate book for Lana. I'm so excited to introduce her! Also has anyone listened to Lana del Rey's new album? Is anyone going to any Taylor swifts concerts?
