[曦澄 | XiCheng]: The Fear Of Falling In Love [~PART 1~]

[181.] Punish me. [III] [TW]

NOTE:

Trigger Warning

****

Lan Xichen briefly wondered whether the last sentence was spoken for him, or for his husband.

He frowned:

- I am afraid this is not enough. I need an explanation. We need an explanation. Do you even realize how upset Sandu Shengshou is? Do you know that we are expecting the baby to be born any moment now? Why would you put so many lives at risk? Not just your own, but my family's as well?  –  his voice trailed and he squinted his eyes.  –   Help me understand, Master Lin.

- I know what your second question is going to be, Master Lan.   -  Lin Shou-Yi smiled bitterly, now staring in Lan Xichen's dark eyes, aware that his life would be over very soon; he had no inhibitions left, not any more.   –  I am going to answer both. Because the answer to both is one.

He shook his head sadly and straightened his back, now kneeling properly, hands on his knees, ignoring the heavy weight of the cast iron on his shoulders and arms. Whatever little dignity was left in him, he tried to show.

- Ever since the meeting of the Officials in Yumeng, I have been... fascinated with my Master Jiang. I have had time to think about it, consider how stupid and reckless it was, regret it, punish myself for this transgression, try to silence my thoughts, kill my heart...  -   he gasped breathlessly, his memories flooded his brain and his cheeks turned pink.

Lu Ya sighed. This was bad. It was very bad.

- Sadly, I am not a cultivator. I don't have the training, I don't have... I'm not blessed with magic. Nothing worked. I was obsessed. I could not sleep, nothing else mattered. My whole being craved, longed to be close, to be of service...  -  Lin Shou-Yi continued boldly and desperately.

– My Master was almost constantly so tired... It broke my heart to see him this way... The only time when I could spend time with him was so limited every day, and getting less and less... He slept so much... so much... And, yes, he was most awake and blooming... beautiful... at dusk. In bed... In the master bedroom.

Almost everybody was flushed, uncomfortable, wishing sorely they were anywhere else, but not here  –  this, all of this, was so intimate.

Sandu Shengshou and Zewu-Jun were unimpressed, though. Jiang Cheng looked a little pale, his husband's hand was resting on his shoulder. Lan Xichen looked like a marble statue of Death. Lu Ya sincerely thought that he would, any second now, draw his sword and cut the trespasser's head off.

- I have always been loyal to the Yumeng Jiang Clan. I could never be a spy... I am not very good at lying, never have been... Master Jiang Fengmian had always been so kind to me... I owe him everything, even my life, many times over. It was honor to serve his son... Even for a while... I...  -   Lin Shou-Yi raised his eyes, imploringly.  –  Forgive me, Sandu Shengshou. I love you so very much...

Jiang Cheng hissed:

- I trusted you, you scum! I trusted you with my life! Our lives!!!

Lin Shou-Yi's gaze now shifted to his impressive belly. 

He lowered his eyes, ashamed.

- How dared you? How could it even cross your mind that you would ever be allowed to do what you did?! You repulse me!!! You forced me to break my promise to Zewu-Jun! You deceived me! Betrayed me! You bit the hand that feeds you! Death is not enough for you!!!   -   Sandu Shengshou screamed, desperate in his helplessness to change the past.

- Wanyin...  -  Lan Xichen whispered mildly, trying to calm him down, and it made Lin Shou-Yi shiver all over  –  the tenderness in his voice that was never going to be his.

- Punish me, Master. I will cut my heart out for you... There is nothing I wouldn't do for you... Nothing...  – h e said pitifully.

Lu Ya was now observing Sandu Shengshou's mood change, as he turned his face away from them and sobbed in Zewu-Jun's robes, sinking in his embrace. The soldiers looked away as their Masters hugged and kissed, and the boy was absolutely certain that all this broke his commander's heart. 

He bit his lips. Love sounded awful, so hurtful.  He was grateful he was too young for this foolishness.

- Take him away. Get him away from me!!!   -   Sandu Shengshou cried out.  –  Away from us!

Lu Ya suddenly awoke to action, swiftly approaching the higher platform and, after bowing low to his Masters, he helped his boss to his feet. Lin Shou-Yi was staggering, weak and weeping heartbreakingly.

They left the Hall, sent off by Zewu-Jun's soft words:

- Calm down, my love... All will be fine now, beloved. Think about our son, my love... Please, Wanyin... Please... You are still mine, I still love you perfectly, my heart... You are my life, Sandu Shengshou... I am here. You will never be alone again, my dearest... My sweetest... My darling... Husband, please...

***

Outside now, Lu Ya hissed in his boss's ear:

- What were you thinking, Commander?! Thirsting after the Master's wife???  How did you think all of this would end?! Master Lan will skin you alive!

Lin Shou-Yi was almost passing out. None of these words mattered to him. None, because it was the previous words...

Zewu-Jun's words... 

They were the ones to turn his soul to ashes, those razor-sharp words that bore the promise that he would never have the only one thing that was his life now.