[曦澄 | XiCheng]: The Fear Of Falling In Love [~PART 1~]

[184.] Lotus Pier. [TW]

NOTE:

Trigger Warning

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There was some uncomfortable silence; Lin Shou-Yi dared not look up.

- Yes, Master.   –  he repeated.

- I am interested to hear   –  wouldn't you do the same if you were in his place,  Master Lin?   -   Jiang Cheng mocked.  –  Look me in the eyes and answer! – he ordered sharply.

Lin Shou-Yi shuddered, but obeyed.

He looked up, flushed - Sandu Shengshou looked magnificently, and his heart was aching as – no matter how hard he had tried to forget and convince himself to give it all up – it was now pounding too fast and his blood was rushing to his head, his stomach full of butterflies.

He slowly realized why he had been brought to the master bedroom - Jiang Cheng was huge, and probably was forbidden from getting out of bed now.

- Yes, definitely, Master.  –  he bit his lip and sat back, staring in awe. – If you were mine, I would have killed straight away anyone who dared touch you at all... Zewu-Jun is merciful. Sandu Shengshou is merciful...

He bowed low, the chains on his wrists rattling, his forehead touching the floor.

- Hmmm.  -  Jiang Cheng's face darkened. – I am going to be brief and blunt. There are two reasons why you are still alive. Your life was a present for me for our wedding anniversary, Zewu-Jun is... quite romantic.

Lin Shou-Yi listened, blushing.

Yes, this was torture. Yes, yes, his heart, his soul were burning slowly.

- Firstly, I don't want my son to start his life in the spiritual atmosphere of death and murder. Your betrayal is sin enough.  –   he scoffed. – I am not going to kill you, Master Lin. I don't want to become my mother...  this is something she would have done, certainly. But today is the last time you will ever see me. And you will never get to see your Future Clan Leader, your next Master, I will make sure of this.

Lin Shou-Yi felt all his blood ebb away from his body, terrified. He preferred death, many times over.

- Please, Master... I am begging you, Sandu Shengshou... Please, kill me... Now...   -  he whimpered pitifully, bowing again, sobbing on the wooden floor.

- No.  -   Jiang Cheng said firmly.  –  I am someone who loves deeply, and I know how hard, how painful it is to be away from the one you love. I know that if your words are true at all, Lin Shou-Yi, this will be a much more awful punishment.

After a couple of excruciating minutes, he went on:

- Also, secondly, I know how smart and hard-working you are, despite all. I really value those qualities in you.  -  Sandu Shengshou said coldly.  –   I would be a fool to waste such a talent over emotions. As the Yumeng Jiang Clan Leader I am obliged to think about what is best not just for the present moment, but also for the future.

Lin Shou-Yi wasn't listening any more, not really.

The only words echoing in his head were "the last time you will ever see me",  over and over again.

He sobbed:

- You are killing me, Master... slowly... cruelly... Why???

- I am not sure you understand, Lin Shou-Yi. What you did was worse than any wound, or any blow, any spoken lie, or offensive words. You hurt me even more deeply with your betrayal. You made me feel... violated, defiled.  You made me feel that I had betrayed  my husband's trust, deceiving him. Nothing could ever be more despicable in my eyes. Nothing. Ever.

The words were spoken with such hatred, with so much spite and ice in the usually soft, caressing voice, that Lin Shou-Yi was shaking. Everything he had done was wrong. He had failed to control himself, his impulses, but this punishment was too cruel. It was too much.

- Kill me... Kill me, Master!  Grant me peace! I will be paying for my sins in my next life!  Have mercy over someone who loves you very much....   –   he whispered desperately.

- I have a better idea!   -  Jiang Cheng grinned. In a perverse way, all this suffering brought him pleasure to watch; in his mind  –   it was all well deserved.

- My final order for you will be the reconstruction of Lotus Pier. I am going to give you all the money you will need for this. I want it all restored. I want it all a hundred times more beautiful than it used to be. Zewu-Jun will arrange for logistics and workers for you to manage. He will also be the one to travel to Yumeng to supervise your work. I will be too busy taking care of our son.  -   Jiang Cheng grumbled.

Lin Shou-Yi could not stop sobbing. 

Why did this mercy not feel as mercy at all? He was going to live, but at what cost?

- Do you understand your task, Master Lin Shou-Yi? You will be, from today on, the Governor of the Lotus Pier. Make it durable and marvelous for my son. He will be its Young Master one day.

- I don't want that authority, Sandu Shengshou! I don't deserve such trust and such responsibilities! I am not worthy of this honor!  –   he cried, involuntarily crawling a little closer to the bed.

Jiang Cheng flinched and his hands momentarily covered his belly as well as he could, trying to protect his baby from danger. It was an instinct, so strong that Zǐdiàn  sparkled in purple on his hand again.

Lin Shou-Yi laughed bitterly, saying:

- I see you are afraid of me, Master... I see I cannot be in the same room with you any more, and Zewu-Jun has nothing to do with it.

- Yes! You are right!!! I cannot bear for you to be anywhere close to me! To my child!  Not after your hands have caressed me, not after your eyes have seen me naked!   -   he hissed.  –   Go, get ready! I need you to be gone from my home by nightfall!

Lin Shou-Yi bowed very low, very slowly.

- Be well, Sandu Shengshou.   -   he finally said.  -  And please remember, in your darkest hour, that there is at least one heart out there... in the cold world... that loves you dearly.

He left the room with some effort, too numb to feel anything any more, deaf to the words of the soldiers, letting himself be dragged away.

Away forever.