What If You Never Died

Chapter 1

A part of me died with you. A big part. A part I will never get back. I am trying to move on. I really am, but it seems impossible. Everything seems impossible without you. I don't understand how an still breathing. How am I still alive? I barley remember to eat or drink water. Nothing makes sense anymore. You were my life. My air. The reason for my heartbeat. And now you are gone.
I don't even know how long it has been. My life just stopped when you died. When you were taken from me. It must have been weeks. Or maybe months. I don't know. Time doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters.
I could still remember your voice and your laugh. The way you always made me feel like I was the only person you had eyes for. I could still feel your hands all over me and I still had the ring on my finger. I just couldn't take it off.
There was a knock on my bedroom door. It is probably my sister Kate. She has been trying to get me out of bed since your funeral. I moved back to my parents house the day of the funeral. I couldn't live in the same apartment we lived together. Everything there remind me of you. But then again everything reminds me of you.
-Beth, I brought you lunch.-Kate poked her blonde head through door door and then entered my room holding a big platter.- Mom made your favorite.
She put it on my nightstand but I didn't move. It smelled nice. I knew it was lasagna without looking. It really was my favorite, but it was also yours and that hurt. You always told me that my mom made the best lasagna. A tear slid slowly down my cheek.
-You have to eat. Please, for me.- she slowly run her hand over my head.
I could see the tears in her big blue eyes. I knew she was in pain and worried about me, but I was in more pain. It was weird seeing her like this and her taking care of me. I was always the one taking care of her. Her big sister. Her protector. And now she was the one taking care of me and protecting me.
-I can't. - was all I can say looking my sister right in the eyes.
-Beth, please.- tears start streaming down her face. - I can't loose you...
I know she would hurt so much if she lost me. I would too if I lost her so I got myself up in a seating position and took the platter. She gave me a small smile, but I couldn't give her one back instead I took a bit of lasagna. It was amazing and terrible at the same time. I also took a sip of water. And then I took another bite and then another and then another...
And that was it I couldn't eat any more. my stomach was in knots. Kate took the food and water from me and stood up ready to live. Just before she left she turned to me.
-I love you.- she said softly.
-I love you too.
This was the first time I said those words since you died. It was the last thing you said to me and the last thing I said to you as you were bleeding in my arms. There was so much blood and no matter what I did I couldn't stop it. I felt your last breathe and I still remember it clearly the moment your eyes went dead. And the worst part was I had no idea who took you from me.