what would you do? [jayke]

one.

"jay, ano ba yan!" jake was beyond pissed, jay just plopped down his couch, reeking off smoke from head to toe.

"dude, doon ka nga sa sahig. im trying to keep my sofa clean here." the younger grabbed his guitar from beside his friend, playing a few c's and other keys.

"says you? nagvvape ka rin naman" despite the clapback, jay manouvers to the carpet, taking his bass, tuning it a bit.

"yeah, chocolate. smells nice unlike yours."

the older rolls his eyes, deciding not continue with the arguement. he proceeds to take out a new cigarette from his pocket not until jake takes the packet from his hands.

"oh no, you don't. not in my apartment." jake fully pushes him off the carpet, resulting to jay laying on the cold floor.

"kasi naman! ang ma-pride nya, you know?"

huh? ano connect sa wag magsmoke sa apartment ko? jake thought. ah, he probably argued with his girl again.

"like, hindi ko gets bakit ako nanaman yung mali? i did nothing!" jay defended.

jake took out the pick that he was biting, placing his guitar down on the sofa.

"maybe she's waiting for you to do something this time. naisip mo ba yon?" jake offers, pointing out like it's the most obvious. he knew his best friend was not the best when it comes to making "suyo". it irks him actually, how they can move on from an arguement with neither of them apologizing, just like nothing happened. "kahit konting suyo lang siguro, jay" jake shrugged.

"i dont know, dude. i'm actually starting to think na, what if..."

"what if?"

"you know... what if this isn't actually working out, diba?" the older turns to stand and plug his bass to the amplifier, turning the volume up a bit.

"then make it work? i mean, kung mahal mo naman diba?"

there was this look on his best friend's face. oh.

"diba... jay?"

jay didn't respond this time.

———

the whole afternoon passed with less talk, just them practicing song after song after song.

hours and a few calloused fingers later, jake decided to break the silence that lingered. he just couldn't take it.

"jay... you didn't answer my question kanina" both of them were just laying on jake's bed, exhausted.

"hindi ko na sya mahal, if that what you were asking..." jay attempts to pull out a cigarette ,  jake didn't stop him like he did earlier. instead, he turns to face his friend, an arm under his head and questions painted on his face.

"what happened? you know you can tell me naman"

jay let out a disappointed sigh.

"hindi ko rin alam, just woke up one day and it felt different. don't get me wrong, she's great, she's always been the best, really. and i dont know what's wrong with me, pero i just dont love her like that anymore..." jay took his time to explain, an explanation he didn't know he had in him. he tugs the cigarette from his lips and blows out the smoke, vapor filling the air in jake's room.

" i feel like a shit person" he added.

"maybe–" jake started.

"jake, please. enough 'maybe's. it's just not the same anymore."

"then, what changed?" jake asked, his eyes bearing holes with jay's,  usap lang naman 'to.

what changed? jay didn't know. how would he know? it was unexpected. he did not expect it— one day he loved her, he would and is willing to do anything for her and the next, he just doesn't. one moment he had his life's priorities on balance— school, his band, his girl, the next he sees himself spending more time doing music. one moment he sees only her the next his life revolved around something else.

there was his bass, who watched him shed tears, catched these tears and dried them up. there were his bandmates, who shared the same passion as him, who made him feel like he was made for something. then there was jake.

jake who understood him more than he did himself,  jake who he would bicker with the most stupidest things, jake who always wanted and knew what was best for him, jake who was always supportive, ready to catch him like a baseball in the game field, jake who smiled wider than the sun yet sweeter than his favorite tune. jake whom he'd do anything for, anything he asks him to do. jake who was someone else he loved more than who he should love most. jake was someone else.

"i think there's someone else" jay confessed. heart aching from the realization.

his bandmate gave him a look of disbelief. jay knew what he was thinking because he knew that it wasn't much like him.

jay has always been a "give and give" type of person. he was selfless, he sets his heart out open on the table, like a deck of cards.

when he first met his girl, he was so in love. he took her out on dates and did everything and more that a perfect boyfriend should do. months later, they would begin to argue, it started out small then it turned into arguments wherein jay had to sleep over at jake's place. it had always been about spending less time with his girl, and more on his studies and gigs. jay didn't even notice that he was spending less time with his girlfriend, he felt bad and did everything he could to make it upto her but it was still the same after a few more months, if not, it was worse.

"someone else? you met someone else? where? at a gig?" jake threw questions one after the other. jay couldn't utter a word, he couldn't give an answer. he just stood from where he was seated and packed his bass,

"no" jay replied, simply.

"i dont want you to leave her for some other girl you met god knows when! jay, you've been together for so long and i know you still love her"

jay shook his head, he was tired of this conversation. if only jake knew.

"i think i'll go na muna, it's getting late,"

" teka lang naman, jay. naguusap pa tayo dito eh." jake protested.

"wala na tayong paguusapan pa. i already told you everything." with 'everything' told, jake was still confused. jay met another girl? saan? and to leave his girlfriend for that girl? that was so unlike jay.

"wait up, jay. bakit parang galit ka pa?" the younger followed jay's every movement with his eyes. still confused at his friend's sudden change in mood.

"dude...hey! jay!" jake took a hold of jay's arm before he could completely walk out the door.

"for fucks sake jake!" jay let out a sigh. "what would you do..." jay didnt even realize he was holding back his tears, he was since this afternoon, but when the first tear fell, he broke out like a dam.

"kakasabi mo lang you wouldn't want me to break up with her but fuck jake, i'd do it for you in a heartbeat. i'd do it for you. now, tell me what would you do, if you fell for someone you can't have? walk away diba? plus we've been playing since this afternoon, pagod na ako. just let me walk away please, jake, okay?"

there was silence, jake stood there, loosening his grip but not letting go. jay didn't take a step further either, finding himself somehow glued to the ground, realizing he's let his feelings out in the open.