Alone again

Alone

I felt his eyes on me, and everyone else's but his... they were like a never ending sea. The bluest of blue. His curly hair his broad shoulders and strong hands. He was always awkward around me, so i thought anyway. He was kind, I knew deep in my head he was. But he always felt off. Behind that fake smile I knew there was pain. A year passed, I made good choices, bad ones too, impulsive as well. I tried to tell the feelings for him to go away but they wouldn't so I pushed them down.  Summer came, summer went school came. I found new friends, new love, heartbreak and again him. Feelings grew, I did little things trying to hint at him. Messing with his curly hair, stealing things he liked, giving him playful punches all those things. It went on then soon we were one. Life seemed good, perfect I dare say. Laughing, kissing, hugging, nightly phone calls. My heart was full of love, through all the pain I felt his love always broke through. My brain works in weird ways, when I was younger I was never shown the best affection when it came to guys. I was like a small child around him, letting all of the fear melt away. Sleeping in a field,cuddles in my bed, singing him to sleep. I could stare into his eyes for all hours of the day. I could never tire of their sight. The way he looked at me no way to describe that look other than... love. Time passed all was good until that day. I rode in the car expecting a fun night, good times with dear friends and my love. All was good until I sat looking at him. When I saw those eyes. The ones he would look at me with. But his blue gaze met another. I left giving him what I didn't know would be our final hug or our final kiss. Words said that very day broke me. People say that I'm strong and I don't need him. But he brought something to my days that I couldn't stand the thought of losing. He took my heart and threw it away when another caught his gaze.

March 10th 2023 the day my heart shattered